Well, it was more than a little experiment, it was a quest. NYC. 10 X the number of potential matches. Sure, I was only here for two weeks, but…

What I Am Looking For

After basically sanding my swiping finger off I’ve come up with a few more insights to MY understanding of chemistry and intrigue in online dating profiles. Here we go.

1. When you cover your eyes with sunglasses, you are hiding something. Sure, I have one with sunglasses, and it’s my “most popular photo,” but it’s because my daughter is there too, showing me to be a dad.
2. The beautiful ones are easy to swipe right on. More like a dream, they will never get back to you, as they have so many “interested” conversations.
3. When you look pissed, uninterested, or holding the duck face, you’re a mess. Get off the dating sites until you can at least try.
4. If your body is the best part of you, by all means, start there, but don’t hide behind sunglasses and distant shots.
5. Still not into boob-first profiles. We’ve got to have more, you’ve got to have more, or what are we going to talk about? Your boobs?
6. My friends made me put up this profile. Oh, and your indifference shows.
7. Smiles can show a lot about you. A good shot makes me smile. A poor shot makes me think you’re being tortured offscreen.
8. Alcohol is not for everyone. And if it’s a prominent feature of your dating profile I’m going to lean away from you.
9. Expiring conversations on Bumble. No time to even reply in 24 hours. What are you doing here? Why did we match?
10. No magic in your words. At least try to give me a tease of what our first coffee date would be like. What would we talk about?
11. Show me your active lifestyle. Not active, okay, swipe left.
12. Be proud of your well-honed body, but don’t go overboard. Gym shots are kinda gross. Is that what we will be doing together? Nope.
13. Is your profile a joke? It’s so bad. Why are all the photos blurry and … Nope.

What I’m Hoping For

Just a “hello” date. A coffee in Manhattan. That’s not too hard, right. I mean the odds here have got to be 10 X! So many swipings. How about a conversation? It costs nothing to engage in a chat.

In my home world, I wouldn’t waste time on a coffee unless we’ve talked on the phone. I’m done with the “hello” dates with trolls and women who don’t look like their profile pictures at all. “Um, were those photos recent?”

What I Bring To the Table

Fun. Conversation. No pressure.

Maybe it’s obvious. I’m not trying to score while I’m here. I’m not trying to score anywhere, that’s not my goal.

I am looking for one woman. One. In the sea of women. If she lives in New York or Paris it doesn’t really matter. I want to imagine it. Talk about it. Meet over coffee and luxuriate in the idea of it. Then, I’m going back home. It’s the second date where things might get interesting.

It’s all a distraction at this point. What I believe is I will find my next partner engaged in some activity that I too really like. Tennis, perhaps. But, I am certain it will come from a cultivated interest. Something extra you like to do. And if I don’t do it, I’ll start learning.

Here’s an example. I dated a woman who was an avid running and cyclist. I got a bike. I started riding 20 and 30 miles behind her. I wanted to be with her. I didn’t want to run, but I’d ride my mountain bike while she trained on the local running trails. I encouraged her. I went to races with her. I loved her. So, I wanted to be into what she was into.

What Are You Into?

So, tell me a little about yourself. What are the things that get you excited when you wake up in the morning? Here are my simple wishes for today.

• a great cup of coffee
• or a mediocre cup of coffee at a great breakfast diner
• a few photos of the city as I move through my day here
• some time to play my guitar – I’m heading to a music retreat on Monday
• some reading
• a walk in Central Park
• a nap

That’s enough. For me, it is the simple things that should be pulling me forward in life. The things I do should feed my soul. If they don’t, I begin to eliminate them from my life. Sure, we’ve all got to deal with chores and bills, but the rest of this life is mine.

A closing thought about maturity and where we (I’m 61) are in life.

Someone is either free of their past regrets and hurts and moving forward in the world with vigor and enthusiasm. Or they are mired in issues and anger that comes out in many of their conversations and even their actions during the day.

I want to walk free of my divorce, free of my worry about money, and free of any addictions or obsessions. That’s what I wish for you as well. Let’s meet out there in the real world, have a conversation, and let go of the rest of our expectations.

That’s how I’d like to start.

• Adding Distance and Travel to Your Bumble Mix
• Booty, Boobs, and Booze: Online Dating Misfires
• joy + joy : become part of our joy+tribe
• Starting at Zero: Relationship Basics for the Newly Single
• Single Dad Explains Online Dating in 2024
• New Era Online Dating Exploration

You can find all of my books on AMAZON.