what if we spent the summer by the sea
just you and me
and
wait…
let me begin again

what if I spent the summer by the sea
my feet in the sand
head full of ocean spray and the sound of a siren

what if I lost everything
again
and had to pick up the pieces
reset myself
and realign with words and quiet and loneliness

maybe there will be a cat named trouble
who’s missing ear
giving him a quizzical look
as he waits for his special food from his special person
i am not that person
trouble avoids me
unless i am outside
in the sun
then we bask together
and he comes in for an occasional head rub

i am a bit like trouble
happy in my quiet space
happy to have my head rubbed
happy to meander in the sunny afternoon
until a nap overtakes my ambition

maybe the warmth and salt
will burnish away some of the loss
that has attached like old barnacles
to my legs and arms
maybe inhaling the moist heat
will warm my insides
and ferret out the sadness
all of it
laid bare
like a dry gray piece of driftwood
i will admire
my old sadness
there
still and lifeless on the beach
i am giving her no more play
she served me deeply
and released me
back into the stream

this life passing by
is caught and measured through words
as i attempt to illuminate my journey
not for others to follow
but for my own edification
if i don’t learn and evolve
i will simply repeat the same mistakes
suffer the same fate
and write more broken love poems

i suppose that’s not so bad
here by the sea
alone
as the days blaze white-hot outside my window
i cannot hear the ocean
i cannot hear her voice
telling me i am loved
i am safe
i am making her life happier

i only hear the sound of my typing
the inner monologue of these characters
becoming words
of possible futures
lamentable pasts
and

oh
this
persistent
present
moment
here

2/27/2021