In All Cases Be Kind, Unless You Can’t Then Be Assertive
There is a fine line in relationships between being passive, being assertive, and being aggressive. Even in each of these three energies, you can be kind.
Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
There is a fine line in relationships between being passive, being assertive, and being aggressive. Even in each of these three energies, you can be kind.
I am sold on lifetime partnerships, done one at a time. When they fail, they fail, but not for my own valiant efforts. Let's be together and explore how we can continue to romance, the care and kindness.
THIS IS MY HAPPY PLACE. Typing words. Imagining I am putting down some information of value.
If we can rise above our present distress and the distractions of our disappointments, we can appreciate all the layers of the present moment. It's all cake. It may not all be delicious. But our attitude about the cake colors every one of our present moments. It's our attitude about the cake we're being served that gives us the freedom from suffering.
What I am learning this weekend, with my daughter, is that I cannot settle for someone who does not treat me with the love and respect she does. I would hope the same for her, as she moves forward in her life.
Slowly but surely, with patience and grace, I will be in relationship again. Months from now, a year from now, I hope to be writing you again about "the love of my life." Heck if you don't believe it, how will you ever get there.
That's what we want. Ascendant love. Moving ever higher together. Fearlessly attacking the discord as it arrives unwelcome and unbidden. And we move through it with the other person, knowing they are going to stick around.
I need to learn to listen when the woman says, "I am really not looking to be in a relationship."