A Father’s Influence and Love
Dads are equal parents. Some dads are deadbeat dads. Some moms are deadbeat moms. Some parents are assholes. Let's not be assholes to each other.
Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
Dads are equal parents. Some dads are deadbeat dads. Some moms are deadbeat moms. Some parents are assholes. Let's not be assholes to each other.
As our kids grow up, our past transgressions and lies will come back to haunt us. I don't think I've lied to them, other than the agreed upon lie (giving my wife the all-important cover) that the divorce was a mutual decision. It was not.
One of my kids is thrilled to stay in touch with me. We FaceTime most days. I offer them support and advice. My other kid only reaches out, or even responds to my texts, when they want money.
When you're exploring a new love relationship make sure you understand your own patterns of attachment. Learn from your mistakes. Let go of your misses.
"I understand I have disappointed you. And that's okay. You are disappointed. Let's talk about what we're going to do next."
I'm not here to lecture DM on their bias or their angry thrust. I do hope that my comments stir some feathers at the top, and perhaps they address the absence of the good dad from their entire platform.
In today's divorce world, dads are still seen as breadwinners and second-class parents. And there are plenty of scripts that show this to be true.
Make things a little bit easier, by being kind and considerate to the other parent in your kids' lives. Love your kids enough to leave your ex in peace.