Searching for The Last Date: Seeking the ONE
Well, if I’m imagining this next relationship is the LAST ONE, well, that too has its own kind of pressure, that perhaps is just as debilitating as the rushing of the process.
Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
Well, if I’m imagining this next relationship is the LAST ONE, well, that too has its own kind of pressure, that perhaps is just as debilitating as the rushing of the process.
Boundaries are constantly changing between you and your commitments. And people with unhealthy, or unarticulated (unknown or misunderstood) boundaries are more at risk of losing their daily momentum to the will and requests of everyone around them.
Sure, I believe my ex wants our kids to be healthy and happy. And somewhere she got in her mind that being the PRIMARY PARENT after the divorce was *in the best interest of the children.*
A love poem is the potential for love. A love poem is a prayer for the coming of love, or a swan song for the loss of love. The more we listen, the more we hear the love poetry all around us, moving towards us and away from us inside our very minds.
I'd love to know the perfect advice for my two kids, heading into their new lives of college and eventually a career. Both seem well oriented towards their chosen professions.
If we can see and seek the balanced parenting approach we might be able to continue that holistic love even as the marriage comes apart.
But it's the kids who stand to lose the most from this imbalanced systemic approach. Dad is more than money. And mom is capable of making just as much money (let's table the fair pay discussion for the moment) as the dad. These old roles no longer fit the educated and compassionate couple. But the road to a good and healthy co-parenting plan is not a well-worn path.
Here's to my kids. And here's to my wife who let me out of a miserable sexless marriage.