It is my belief, that if you don't build and nurture a strong WE container with your partner, you're going to find asparagus popping up in between you more frequently. Put the WE first in consideration and you are on your way towards building a healthier and happier partnership.
But if you're ignoring numero uno, by not taking care of your needs, your health, your sleep, your boundaries, the crash will come for you. You cannot drink enough coffee or take enough anti-depressants to correct a lack of self-care.
Dating a single parent can be a lot like struggling with a toddler. They punch you in the eye, spill juice in your bed, and say, "I love you SOOO much."
Zen often offers lovely koans that make us feel good for a moment, enlightened for a nanosecond, and then drops us back into the awareness that "oh, it's a FB…
The love affair is ongoing. My partnership with another person is optional. I will always return to aloneness.
Release the relationships that are not meeting your basic conditions of satisfaction. And nourish and build relationships that build warm and fuzzy connections.
Your lover, your kids, your family, even your colleagues will notice the change as you get more of your own needs met: for alone time, for rest, for exercise, for walks alone, for recharging you. Then you can bring that love, energy, and joy back to your relationship and all the relationships in your life.
What ended up happening when I pushed on the broken parts of the relationship is she began to exit emotionally and avoid any opportunities to be alone, where we might have time to discuss what was going on. She took to falling asleep in the kid's beds rather than returning to me.