My belief is moms and dads should agree that they will both ask for 50/50 custody in the case of a divorce. My agreement is more of a set of vows. I have not written a legally binding contract, like a pre-nuptial, that governs the money in the case of the divorce. I have written an agreement that governs the promise between the two parents to share the love and parenting of their children in a balanced way for the rest of their lives.
Always ask for what you need. Your partner cannot read your mind. And that angry look your giving them may not convey what you're hoping to convey. Talk about it. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
If we could balance out the misguided and harmful family court system in favor of a 50/50 cooperative parenting culture, we would have healthier kids. We would also see fewer wealthy bulldog divorce attorneys hawking their winning strategies. In a divorce, no one wins. But in divorce moms and dads should be considered equally.
In the nine and a half years since the divorce, I have seen my daughter approximately 8 days to every 22 days that my ex-wife gets to see her. This arrangement seems to support the idea that the mom is the primary caregiver in the family, or that moms deserve the majority of the children's time.
How does she tell herself, daily, that she made the right decision for all of us, and not just for herself?
I'll stay out of her business and assessing her state of mind. But there's a good bit of the story that is left out when I take this repose about my divorce. It was a good thing given the toxic circumstances of my crumbling marriage. So in that respect, yes, she did us all a favor. But let's dig a bit deeper to see where things went foul.
There are plenty of times when it's difficult not being with my kids. But what I can give them is 110% dad when they are with me. I have the rest of the time, when they are not with me, to heal and focus on myself and my goals.
I have a deep appreciation for my ex-wife and her own personal struggles in the divorce. I do hope you find happiness. And as our last child exits your house, I hope you are able to enter a new chapter of your life, where I am not the bad guy.