I like to be on top of the world, as most of us do, but I haven't done very well in the past when I sink into "maintenance mode" rather than aspirational mode. What I learned from my last stumble is that I AM MY OWN WORST ENEMY.
I was sad from Nov - Mar, but I was not clinically depressed. I was doing all the healthy things I could do to get my energy and spirit back on the right track in my life. And while I was not immediately joyous as a result of these efforts, I learned that by sticking with the program, my program of healthy and conscious living, I could have all the things I wanted in my life.
My recovery focused on a lot of supportive activities and rituals. The Al-anon meetings provided a healthy and spiritual community for me to stay connected. My Al-anon sponsor continued to show up in my life as a guide and cheerleader.
I walked away from that coffee with a new understanding of myself, online dating, and what I was interested in. From then on, if the person didn't have something extraordinary going on, some really amazing trait, or some smashingly witty banter in her messaging, I wasn't interested.
Today, I have everything I need. I may not be close to having everything I want. But my basics (food, shelter, safety, community) are pretty well covered. Today I can forgive my ex and focus on my kids and their well-being.
Alone I am able to focus on these thing without distraction. I have no other pulls on my time and energy. Alone my general state is happy. But I long for a lover and companion.
Another year begins. My daughter is on to Volleyball, Basketball and Track/Tennis. And we're all back to our 70/30 routine. And I've got nothing to complain about and plenty to be grateful for.
What is an evening with your kids worth? Is there an amount of money or time spent elsewhere that I wouldn't give to have more time with my kids?