I was sad from Nov - Mar, but I was not clinically depressed. I was doing all the healthy things I could do to get my energy and spirit back on the right track in my life. And while I was not immediately joyous as a result of these efforts, I learned that by sticking with the program, my program of healthy and conscious living, I could have all the things I wanted in my life.
My ex-wife screwed me in the divorce and she and the therapist that setup our 70/30 parenting plan knew it. They were not basing their plans on science, but on "what's best for the kids" mythology that has been perpetuated since my parents got a divorce 49 years ago.
Here's what that looks like. About 2 - 3 times a year, they freeze my bank accounts. I call them. They ask how much money is in the accounts. (As if they don't know.) Then they take 50% of everything I have. And in the course of the next few days, my banks will unfreeze the rest of the money. Effectively, I am left with zero dollars.
When we started down the road of negotiating a cooperative divorce (because it's all about the children) our divorce and parenting plan counselor also suggested 70-30.
Yes, kids are expensive, but they should be equally shared as an expense and as a joy. This 70/30 split is bullshit. It's demeaning to fathers. And it's based on a parenting concept from the 50's. Sure it makes it easier on the courts if everyone just goes with the plan. But don't. If you want the time with your kids, fight for it.
Mom's don't deserve child support any more than dads do. Federal family law begs to differ, but I believe we should be equal parents across the board: time, money, and custodial rights.
In some twisted way, my ex-wife assumed that she was the better parent and thus more entitled to the child support, the house, and the kids' care and feeding. As a good dad, this was just her assumption. Today, her assumption wound probably be supported by state family law. But, I believe times are changing.
Divorce is painful enough. Let's all share the pain equally and stop putting dads in the straightjacket of the SPO and the typical child support agreement.