A good father would've made a big difference in my life. As a father, I have always strived to be a good father, even when the decisions were not always what I wanted.
If we can see and seek the balanced parenting approach we might be able to continue that holistic love even as the marriage comes apart.
But it's the kids who stand to lose the most from this imbalanced systemic approach. Dad is more than money. And mom is capable of making just as much money (let's table the fair pay discussion for the moment) as the dad. These old roles no longer fit the educated and compassionate couple. But the road to a good and healthy co-parenting plan is not a well-worn path.
We are complex individuals with independent lives, building bridges and rope swings between our two countries, but we're reconnecting and recommitting in each moment, each day. We seek new ways around common disagreements, new ways to navigate old ghosts that can haunt us from previous relationships.
Let's get one thing straight, I am. not the victim of a divorce. I am a survivor of a divorce decree that follows the state guidelines and timelines and gives dads 30% of the time with their kids and 100% of the child support.
Once I took my own anger out of the communication loop I began to heal and move on to the next stage.
But, dear son, don't say "Sorry," when you are not sorry. Don't make excuses for not picking up the phone call and saying "I can't talk to you right now. Love you."
I launched The Whole Parent. I proudly put my name on the posts I began writing about learning to cope as a single dad with a less than cooperative co-parent.