And when we have done the very best we can, given trying circumstances, and fought to the very last point, it is okay to accept defeat. And in defeat, learn the lesson of the day. The lawnmowers are going to show up in your life. You cannot control them. But you can control your response to them, by taking responsibility for yourself, and ultimately, taking care of yourself.
Today, I release the devil I know in both him ("step-dad" stereotype personified) and my ex-wife. I hope that their mutual anger and unresolved pain can find resolution at some point in their lives. I no longer have to give him a centimeter in my heart.
By sharing my pain about the divorce, my struggles with depression, and my adventure to become the best dad I can be, I believe I am giving others a chance to feel some of their pain and loss through my story. By living through it, by persevering, and by continuing to live on the positive side of life, I am giving my kids an example for our to live their lives.
The parents in Marriage Story tried. And when the mom is unable to read the things she loves about her husband, we see her hot flash of realization as she leaves the mediation without engaging in the process.
There was absolutely no reason for my ex-wife to file against me with the welfare connections system of the state of Texas. She did it specifically to hurt me financially, emotionally, and physically.
My belief is moms and dads should agree that they will both ask for 50/50 custody in the case of a divorce. My agreement is more of a set of vows. I have not written a legally binding contract, like a pre-nuptial, that governs the money in the case of the divorce. I have written an agreement that governs the promise between the two parents to share the love and parenting of their children in a balanced way for the rest of their lives.
Always ask for what you need. Your partner cannot read your mind. And that angry look your giving them may not convey what you're hoping to convey. Talk about it. Give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
Mom's don't deserve child support any more than dads do. Federal family law begs to differ, but I believe we should be equal parents across the board: time, money, and custodial rights.