Keeping sexual communication open throughout your relationship is critical. As one partner starts closing off, and not just having periods of low sexual desire, but shutting down the idea of sex, something is going to break down.
One of the most pivotal moments in recovery is admitting to yourself that depression is a problem. For me, isolation is pretty deep on the list of symptoms. By the time I'm isolating and fucking up at work, the other mechanics of depression are in full bloom.
If you put your kids first you may need to fight to get what you want. And by putting your kids first, sometimes you may have to fight their mom. But to be the best dad you can be, you have to be there, you have to spend time with your kids. All of that time that was taken away is now water under the bridge, but today it's much more clear for me. I take every offer to have the kids an extra night or to support my ex when she has to work late.
Not a percentage of salary earned. No, she believed, still believes, that the child support is her entitlement. This is no longer a relationship it's just a business contract. I am no longer a person to her, I'm a debtor. I'm the problem. I'm the reason she's unhappy.
Today, if you want 50/50 shared parenting, in most states, you are going to have to sue your exiting spouse. My advice, at this point in 2023, FIGHT.
I lost everything in that moment. I lost my fighting spirit. I agreed to the Standard Possession Order (SPO) schedule and I agreed to let my wife be the custodial parent.
My goal, as a good dad, is to be available emotionally and physically to my kids all the time. They know where I stand. I've never bad-mouthed their mom. And as they continue to grow and mature into adults, I'm back to having an equal opportunity to be with them.
I don't want to be an exhausted artist any more than I want to be a starving artist. Both are contraindications to happiness.