I am sad sometimes that I no longer have a partner and cheerleader in navigating these difficult times. But that role/relationship ended several years before the marriage did. And now I have two fabulous kids and their mom.
Nobody wins in a divorce, but we can keep either side from losing if we stay present and positive in the coming months of negotiation and planning.
What I am learning in my recovery from depression and anxiety is that my feelings are never the complete answer. And often, my feelings just are. If I can separate from them just a bit I can see myself as safe and healthy, even as my bear-feelings are shrieking, "Holy crap, you know what happens when things start feeling this good!"
If you can attach prayer and ritual to these ancient minerals and their "energetic" purpose, you are creating your own modern-day ritual. A ritual of affirmation, love, and hope.
I would have NEVER gone for more than the 50/50 shared parenting we agreed to when we began the collaborative divorce discussions.
The silence and loneliness and grief brought me back to a deeper connection to my own soul. A deeper connection with myself. And that ever-elusive self-love.
Don't get caught up in nostalgia that doesn't inform or help you. When you find you're moping in the sadness of nostalgic regret, change the channel.
It's going to get easier. You are going to be okay. Your kids are going to be okay. And, at some point in the future, you're going to look back on this event (the divorce) as one of the defining moments in your life. Act well. Learn to lean into the process of becoming a single parent.