My job, as your partner, is to let you off the hook when I can, to hold you accountable when I can't, and to make distinctions about the difference.
Don't give up. Just because all of your previous relationships have failed, does not mean that the next date might be The One.
My recovery focused on a lot of supportive activities and rituals. The Al-anon meetings provided a healthy and spiritual community for me to stay connected. My Al-anon sponsor continued to show up in my life as a guide and cheerleader.
We've all got issues. Let's own them. Let's take those bastards out and flog them until they no longer flog and confuse us. Own your issues.
I've found it very helpful to remain in the present moment when dating someone new. Try NOT to jump into the future scenarios, the "what ifs" and "what abouts." And when you are thinking that you both want the same thing, do some reality testing.
Sure, In online dating we all want to put our best foot forward, and make younger and prettier partners desire us, but if we're all doing that, if we're all being inauthentic... Well, that's part of the problem.
It's going to get easier. You are going to be okay. Your kids are going to be okay. And, at some point in the future, you're going to look back on this event (the divorce) as one of the defining moments in your life. Act well. Learn to lean into the process of becoming a single parent.
Bless your co-parent just as they are. Let go of your expectations about co-parenting. Then parent as best you can. Release everyone, even yourself, from the expectations and dreams you had of a wonderful co-parenting relationship.