“Let’s do this,” means forever.
What if you knew your next relationship could not fail? What if the next person to dated and then related to, was THE ONE. They were fun, easy, confident, and most importantly available.
The Golden Path of Finding a Lifetime Partner
- Emotionally Intelligent
- The ONE Is Here Now
- Navigation and Negotiation Skills
- As We’ve Ended As Lovers
- Reboot Again
- Going For the ONE
Okay, here’s the one thing that’s a bit ironic about me writing out these rules. I have not found my ONE. I thought I did. I think I am in THE relationship and something, some part, some requirement is not met. Often, I am the one pushing us to evolve. And then, I find, I’m usually the only one continuing to do the “work” of relationship building. That won’t work. Both partners have to be 100% committed and willing to stretch and grow together, and here’s the kicker, forever!
I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For
The reality is, I have been in 100% committed relationships since my divorce. All of them have been healthier and more evolved than my marriage to the mother of my two kids. BUT, they all failed. (SEE: Single Dad Seeks) Well, failure is a harsh word. They all reached a peak and then descended into “this one is not for me.” But each of these partners and I had a shot at lasting love. But it’s a marathon and not a sprint.
I have found what I was looking for FIVE times since my divorce. (Next book will cover 3 – 4 – 5.) Here’s the trick.
When you’re ready to commit
to a partner, commit 100%.
- Don’t leave any exits. (“It’s okay to see other people, just no kissing or no sex.)
- Go all in. Be fearless and passionate.
- When difficulties arise, or yellow cards are thrown on the field, take a step back and observe the relationship for a minute before rushing on.
- Fight, but fight fair and fight well. Always fight with the goal in mind. Always try and find the WIN for both you and your partner.
- Repair well. Always be the one who asks for the repair. (I’m sorry, sweetie, I was pissed and tired. I really do want to go to the softball game.) And always ask for forgiveness. This is a dance.
- Love with your heart on fire.
When you are out of sync stop and reconnect. If the timing is not right, ask why. What’s wrong with the timing for YOU? What’s wrong with the timing for THEM? If you are committed there is NOT ONE OBSTACLE that will stop you from loving, re-loving, and continuing to love this person for the rest of your life.
Breakdowns and Transgressions
Things can happen to fracture even the best of partnerships. Infidelity (sexual or emotional) is a deal killer. Addictions are deal killers. (Alcohol, drugs, sex, adrenaline) Lack of time is a deal killer. (Listen up single parents, do you REALLY have time to put into a full-time relationship? If the answer is no, please press pause and not play.)
Most transgressions can be repaired depending on the circumstances and the level of commitment by both partners. Some transgressions are one partner’s way of ending the relationship.
Restarting Your Search
If you’re not searching for THE ONE, you are wasting time. If you are dating to be entertained, dating for fun, or circular dating, you are wasting everyone’s time. If you are in college or under the age of 30, perhaps playing the field is an idea that appeals to you. Sport-dating or open relationships are for young people who have nothing to lose.
Imagine talking to a couple (Like I did today.) who have been married for 61 years. (That’s longer than I’ve been alive.) When you hear them and the love they’ve shared, you will understand, there is no time to fuck around with casual dating. I want a lifetime partner. I want the next 50 years, at least to grow, cherish, and love my partner.
At this moment, I am single. And at this moment, I know that the next woman IS THE ONE.
Until she isn’t.
This is how I love. This is how I date. This is what I hope and expect from my partner. “Let’s do this,” means forever.
How I Can Help
I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in 1 x 1 zoom or facetime calls. I work in monthly blocks (4 sessions). We establish a relationship. I become your wingman in navigating and sorting through the bullshit of dating and relationships. If you are here, you’ve probably already read some of my opinions. If we’re a fit, we will both know on our first call. For SEPT-OCT I’m offering a 1 HR introductory call rather than my usual 30-minutes.
I am also launching two coaching groups about dating and relationships in the coming weeks. One for women and one for women, facilitated with a dear friend and wellness/aging coach. Both groups will be limited to 8 participants. So join the FB groups and watch for the opening announcements. THANK YOU.
- Free Coaching Call (1 HR Special ($5)
- Women’s Relationship Group (join Private Facebook Group)
- Men’s Relationship Group (join Private Facebook Group)
- General Whole Parent Group (join Private Facebook Group)
As a certified life coach, I’ve been helping men and women find fulfilling relationships. If you’d like to chat for 30-minutes about your relationship challenges, I always give the first 30-session away for free. LEARN ABOUT COACHING WITH JOHN. There are no obligations to continue. But I get excited every time I talk to someone new. I can offer new perspectives and experiences from my personal adventure. Most of all, I can offer hope.
- Dating Again After Divorce – the archives
- What Do We Learn When Things Fall Apart?
- Is Someone Getting the Best of You?
- Dear Love, I Want Everything Right Now
- Online Dating Update: Breathe It All In, Love It All Out
- Real Love, The Art of Mindful Connection – Salzberg
- Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulfilling Relationships – Baer
- Getting the Love You Want: A Guide for Couples – Hendrix
- Keeping the Love You Find: A Guide for Singles – Hendrix
- Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find – and Keep – Love – Levine
Absolutely amazing breakup song.