It’s no wonder this website is not called single mothers. The big D of divorce plays heavily in the themes here. If you called yourself a divorced mom you *might* have a chip on your shoulder.
The Narcissistic Father
According to Divorced Moms narcissistic fathers are a common problem, really something to prepare yourself for. I’m certain, my ex-wife would label me a narc with exclamation points. But there’s a problem with pointing the finger so easily at someone you now despise for disappointing you and failing your ideals of marriage. Even Divorced Moms understand their readers have a bias. That’s why they cater to this hot topic.
It’s their top search term. Along with “funny breakup songs” and “emasculate.” Interesting.
If we’re going to talk about narcissism and moms vs. dads we’re going to need to find a bit of balance in our perspective. That’s part of this websites issue. There is very little balance in their writing. Most authors are attorneys, counselors, and professionals in the field of helping moms get their just rewards.
The family part looks mildly impartial.
The Ex part, well, here’s where DM becomes lost in their own smoke and mirrors.
I do believe there are plenty of narcissistic fathers in the world. I also believe narcissistic moms are fairly prevalent as well. What I think is most harmful, is when the label is used as a weapon, as it often is on the DM site. If you fall into the rabbit hole of misinformation on Divorced Moms you’re going to get a fairly warped perspective on divorce, parenting, and dads. That’s fine, their bias is in their name. But their audience is being fed *bs* as truth, as healthy advice, as justifications for their entitlement and their own narcissistic traits.
We’re All Narcissists
Let’s take DMs definition of narcissism.
It’s fine. And I’d guess if we just changed He to She we’d be in the same boat. Can we say that some parents are narcissists? Can we take the US vs THEM out of the discussion of co-parenting and divorce? Can we find a common ground, us Divorced Dads and you Divorced Moms?
But the misinformation hurts their audience.
The site is full of misinformation.
One example I commented on today had to do with dads who did not go for equal custody. Here’s the title: 6 Things Fathers Should Think About if They Want Equal Parenting. I’m not going to give you the link, you can go find their site yourself.
In this article several dangerous concepts are put forward as truths.
The first two sentences begin with a big whopper of a lie.
Before and during the divorce process each parent has the same legal right to custody of a child. Mothers and fathers are on legal standing until one or the other gives up or is denied full custody rights.
It’s simply NOT TRUE in most states in the US. The family law and the Standard Possession Order are not equal or fair. The legal system IS biased toward giving the moms custody with child support. Any whitewashing of this fact is simply a lie. This author goes on to shame fathers for not fighting the family court for equal custody. As if “give it a try” is a good idea. It’s a lie. According to the US census 72% of divorces end with moms having primary custody. It’s not a fair starting point. I was told by my “parenting plan coach” and my attorney that fighting for 50/50 custody was going to cost me over $50,000 and in Texas, I would most likely lose.
Most of us don’t want to sue our ex-wives for custody. Most of us don’t want to enter the court of law to point fingers at what a bad parent the other person is, they are on anti-depressants, they can’t hold a job, they are assholes. If you’re fighting for custody, just imaging the kid gloves are going to come off. Why don’t we start at 50/50 shared custody and work out the agreement from there?
This article makes it seem that dads who don’t fight for their shared parenting are simply abandoning their kids and their responsibility.
A deeper look into the site and you’re likely to notice these ADs on the sidebar.
I bet you can guess where this leads, right?
The editor-in-chief of Divorced Moms is selling her course on divorcing a narc. Bias much?
Odd that her Twitter account was suspended. Oh well, she’s the expert.
On the Men’s/Father’s Rights Movement
In the article, I mentioned above the other dangerous lie takes aim at the Men’s Rights movement. And while I’m not a hardcore Men’s Rights Advocate, I do participate in one of these organizations. Take a look for yourself. The Father’s Rights Movement is not about taking rights away from moms or women, it’s 100% about rebalancing the divorce act so that BOTH parents have equal access to their kids.
When Divorced Moms continues to claim there is no legal bias, or that Men’s Rights Organizations are perpetuating the myth of gender bias in the courts they are LYING. There is ZERO truth to either of these ideas.
DADS ARE EQUAL PARENTS. Not all divorced dads are narcissists. Not all moms are angels. Let’s do this TOGETHER. It’s much easier if we’re on the side of our kids and not against one another.
Divorced Moms has yet to learn this vital lesson.
Namasté,
John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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We’ve got a history:
- Um, Divorced Moms, Your Filter Bubble is Showing and It Ain’t Nice
- Child Support and the Livelihood of Moms Over Dads
- There’s a Problem with Divorced Moms: One of Perspective and Balance
