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The Divorce Equation: Please Consider the Lawyer’s *Proposal*

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Here’s the first side of the divorce equation. Let’s see how this sounds to you.

  1. You’re going to lose 70% of your time with your kids
  2. You’re going to need to find lodging immediately
  3. You’re going to have an additional financial obligation from $1000 to $5000 per month
  4. Your legal rights, should you choose to *negotiate* them are going to cost you from $10,000 to $200,000 and you may still get the state preferred non-custodial parent role
  5. You’re going to see your kids every other weekend while they are young, and then rarely when they become driving teenagers.

How does this proposal sound? Would any man or woman who LOVES THEIR KIDS agree to this lopsided offer?

The Flip Side of Your Divorce

Now, let’s look at the other side of that equation. The one that is sold to 90% of moms in the state of Texas.* (Other states may vary.)

  1. You get 2 vacations per month from parenting. Other than that, your life and your kids’ lives will be different, but not that different.
  2. You get your mortgage covered.
  3. Your kids get their healthcare covered.
  4. The child support is tax-free and will range from $1000 to $5000 (higher if you’re in a high-wealth relationship) per month.
  5. The AG’s office will support you as a collections agency. You can punish your former spouse at any time by turning your decree over to them for *enforcement.* Even if your ex is paying on time. You can use this trump card at any time to cripple their livelihoods.
  6. Your house and your lifestyle will remain intact.
  7. Your ex-spouse will simply be removed from the family home.
  8. You can spend some of your *support* to hire babysitters rather than give the kids to their *other* parent. Just because you can.
  9. You don’t have to co-parent if you don’t want to. If *they* want to fight you over this one, it’s going to cost them dearly. They won’t. You’ve got it made.

Pick your truth.

While I can see how/why my ex-wife chose the divorce package sold to her by her DIVORCE ATTORNEY, I don’t understand how a compassionate parent, who cares about her kids’ welfare would think this was “in the best interest of the children.” Nope. The parent that screws the other parent is really going to have to build some serious rationalizations to convince themselves this is a good deal for the kids. But more importantly, they are going to have to convince themselves they are the better parent, and that the kids are better off with THEM getting 70% of their kids’ lives. Or taking that additional 20% of times for themselves, rather than agreeing to a 50/50 shared parenting schedule.

For The Kids

Please, if you are considering divorcing, and you have kids, try to see the imbalanced offers of the divorce business for what they are: attempts to make more money for themselves. My ex-wife’s attorney didn’t care about our kids. She sold my ex a story about how she was the nurturing parent (laughable) and deserved, as her kids did, to live in the same luxury she/they had become accustomed to.

What about the other partner?

Please ask yourself, do our kids need both parents? Are mothers and fathers equal parents?

In the absence of some egregious addiction or mental problem, BOTH parents should share the parenting duties and time after divorce. You didn’t go into the “kid discussion” agreeing to some lopsided bargain. You should not bargain away your co-parent’s love and parenting skills. You should not rob your kids of MORE THAN HALF of their time with the other parent. Sure, it would feel good to WIN the divorce. It would feel good to hurt the other parent if you’re feeling guilty. It would be good to show how bad the other parent is by being AWARDED the custodial parent role.

And, you are being a bad parent. You are taking YOUR agenda and happiness above the health and wellbeing of your children. Kids need both parents. FACT. Dads are just as vital to a child’s development as moms. (Yes, even at an early age.) FACT.

If You Win the Divorce, You Are Losing As a Parent

My ex had zero consideration for me in the divorce. She talked about collaborative divorce then turned in the final hours and went for the WIN. And she got just what she asked for. The kids. The house. The monthly tax-free income for 12-years. She got it all.

You know what else she got? Guilt.

As we know, karma is a bitch. You cannot treat a positive and loving co-parent as an enemy and get away with it. As your kids grow up, and move out of your house, they will begin to get the full picture. “Oh, you mean dad wasn’t the angry and bitter one?”

Dear Ex-Wife

You chose your path. And you continued to fk with me and my life over the last 12 years. None of it will be lost on our children. And I know, none of it is lost in your soul.

I wish you health and happiness. And as I continue to walk alongside my kids, now that they have launched, you no longer have any financial or states attorney hold on me. It will take a long time for me to rebuild my relationship with the kids, but I will. And they will know the story of this angry divorce saga over time. They will ask about “what happened?” They will ask about the lies. They will ask why I was so absent and unavailable to them.

I’m happy to answer these questions. Are you?


John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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a good dad's guide to divorce

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