The Beleaguered Single Mother
Dear single mom, I am not the enemy. I am also not in pursuit of you when I smile or ask you how your day is going. I understand divorce is a bitch. Single parenting is a bitch. And we move on.
Dear single mom, I am not the enemy. I am also not in pursuit of you when I smile or ask you how your day is going. I understand divorce is a bitch. Single parenting is a bitch. And we move on.
It was a beautiful morning, I was hopeful and ready for coffee and conversation with a new woman. A woman I’d courted online for several weeks. A woman who inspired some sense of sexual interest in her online profile and then actually responded to one of my emails.
Walk away from the burning building slowly and without panic. You didn't cause the fire, and you certainly can cure the fire starter. It's best to bless former date, wish them well, and step back into the fishing boat. Sadly, sometimes, even with a ton of potential, there's just nothing else to be done.
It would be great to think we have evolved beyond Hot or Not, but really it’s hard-wired. The immediate reaction that we label “chemistry” is really a swipe to the left “nope” or a swipe to the right “yes.” It’s what happens next that is more important.
What I can do, is fight a bit for what I think is right. I can let the AG's office thrash at me a bit longer. I can begin paying my monthly obligations like clockwork to keep their enforcement tools from dropping all my bank accounts to zero. Today, I can begin fighting back for future fathers. And, today, I can work towards a tiny balance of power surrounding the child support debt I owe.
You need to get your communications strategy in place. And then if the other person has a different pace or different style you can figure out how to adjust.
I didn't need a horrible family life to get my act together. That's what happened in my childhood, and this is who I am as a result, but it might have been different. Let me take a run at having a relationship that starts out with a healthy bias rather than one of recovery and repressed emotions.
Get yourself a map of the man you want to find. Imagine the man, imagine a man, imagine your man, and then do the work to get yourself in the best shape (physically, emotionally, and spiritually) of your life, so that when he shows up he will notice you.