My ex-wife screwed me in the divorce and she and the therapist that setup our 70/30 parenting plan knew it. They were not basing their plans on science, but on "what's best for the kids" mythology that has been perpetuated since my parents got a divorce 49 years ago.
Attachment parenting is the way to go. One parent, weaponizing the divorce, can do untold damage to the kids.
My kids would've gotten a better version of me. We would've stayed a bit closer as a family, even after I left, because the bills would all be split. And my house would've been just as comfortable as mom's house.
I certainly don't want to hurt them or their relationship with their mom. But that's what was used to silence me in the first place about the truth of the divorce. There is one truth. Mom planed for, asked for, and executed the divorce against my will.
I agreed to be a part-time dad. I learned to focus on my own life and rebuilding my hobbies and passions outside of being a parent or a husband. It has been a difficult journey. I celebrate my kids when I can and as best I can, but a huge portion of their lives was given away when I agreed to less than 50/50 parenting.
I wonder, someday, will they ask how the divorce happened? Will my adult kids want to know who's idea it was to break up our family? These are conversations I could never have with them unless they asked.
So while I unload and vent on this site from time to time, know that my intentions towards my kids are pure and my relationship between myself and my ex-wife may be in the "it's complicated" setting for now, but we're working on it.