I am learning better how to tap into the power of feelings and how they can motivate me towards doing better, being better. But I'm also too aware of how my feelings can lead me down dark and lonely paths. I am constantly trying to find the balanced walk down the middle.
On a good day, I can let that dark thought go. On a bad day, I just want to crawl back in bed and try not to wake up.
Some of my depression is sadness at the massive amounts of my kid's lives I'm missing. That's real and that's going to make me sad. I don't have to dwell on it, but when it comes up I feel it, acknowledge it and thank my heart for feeling so strongly.
What I am learning in my recovery from depression and anxiety is that my feelings are never the complete answer. And often, my feelings just are. If I can separate from them just a bit I can see myself as safe and healthy, even as my bear-feelings are shrieking, "Holy crap, you know what happens when things start feeling this good!"
If I am craving a women, for a relationship, for example, I am more likely to eat well, to keep my exercise routine constant. I am more likely to be working to make myself the best mate I could be.