Divorce is not something you just "get over." And with kids, you never really get over it. I am learning to continuously forgive and forge ahead with my own life as a single dad.
Divorce is painful enough. Let's all share the pain equally and stop putting dads in the straightjacket of the SPO and the typical child support agreement.
While my co-parenting efforts have been shunned by my ex-wife, I have never failed to ask to be included in all parenting decisions. It's in our parenting plan, the one we both signed when we agreed to our divorce documents. Even when my co-parent refuses to co-parent, I can be a great co-parent. My kids deserve it. My ex is frustrated by it. And I am at peace with it.
I often pontificate that my ex-wife is angry because she didn't get the happiness she imagined by moving her cheese from one man to a different man. She got everything she wanted in the divorce: the house, the child support payment + insurance for the kids, and the 70/30 parenting schedule, and still she's not happy.
Hold yourself in the highest regard. When you try these affirmations, listen to what comes back from your own thoughts. If there are contradictions, be gentle with them. Be gentle with yourself.
We've all got issues. Let's own them. Let's take those bastards out and flog them until they no longer flog and confuse us. Own your issues.
Equal parenting is how we started this whole "kids" thing. Don't you think equal parenting is how we should finish it?
We need our dads to show up for us, as well as our moms. And when the dad is removed from a family, with the SPO, the balance is shifted dramatically in favor of the "mom as the emotional center" of everyone's lives.