Bless your co-parent just as they are. Let go of your expectations about co-parenting. Then parent as best you can. Release everyone, even yourself, from the expectations and dreams you had of a wonderful co-parenting relationship.
Two people agree to have kids and a huge shift happens in their lives and their future together. You are committing to a lifetime of connection with this person, even as you are agreeing to bring new dependants onto the planet. It's a massive transition, this becoming a parent. Deciding to divorce your co-parent is another huge shift.
I did learn to love full-on in this marriage. I learned to put my whole soul into the project and come back with the joy of being a parent, and being in love, and being married. This total commitment is part of what blindsided me in the divorce.
How can we make divorce part of an evolution towards happiness for all parties involved? I have been writing about and coaching single parents for five years. (A single parent…
I'm not perfect. I don't have the answer to this question of how to be happy all the time. But I am learning to see my emotions, my feelings, as something that are a part of me, but are not all of me. That's my meta-view.
Today, three years later, I am happy. Alone. But happy. And I won't pass judgment on her and the boyfriend who has given her strength and steadiness. My daughter likes him. That's enough for me.
I sat with my anger long enough, until she told me her real name grief. Underneath that rage at me, must be sadness. I feel it when I touch the anger inside myself about how I've been treated since the divorce. I'm sad because we were so close. I'm sad because we still share two wonderful children that are affected by such rage and unresolved anger.
Losing my consuming relationship was critical to finding this loneliness and then finding the way to reach out to people who cared about me. Even if I didn't really understand how they cared about me, I could not deny his check-in on Facebook.