We've been divorced for over eight years. Our son has just turned 18 and is heading to college next year. We're not really co-parenting, but our kids are doing just fine. And as they grow older, they are seeking a renewed relationship with me.
I agreed to be a part-time dad. I learned to focus on my own life and rebuilding my hobbies and passions outside of being a parent or a husband. It has been a difficult journey. I celebrate my kids when I can and as best I can, but a huge portion of their lives was given away when I agreed to less than 50/50 parenting.
In my current life, the big love is the cushion that's keeping me going. As I wander this dark wilderness of grief and loss, I have a firm and tight hand to hold on to. A partner who is exploring what's next with me. Rain and shine.
I do recover. I am conscious of when I'm avoiding. I still do it, but I'm doing it less. And I'm learning to take the uncomfortable feelings or worry by the horns and looking the damn bull in the eye and saying, "To hell with you, fear, I'm going in!"