Online dating does not have to be hard. It’s how you play the game, as they say in sports. Let’s explore what’s working in online dating, and what is *hard* about Bumble and Match.com. 

The Good of Online Dating

• Low investment of energy and time (to browse)
• Expands your network exponentially
• Gives you quick feedback on LIKES and DISLIKES (swiping can be educational)
• Allows you to set your preferences for what you WANT
• Begins the inner development of boundaries, desires, and must-haves
• There are, indeed, plenty of fish in the sea

The Bad of Online Dating

• It’s a lie (many of the profiles are fake, or run by the app/site to get you to sign up)
• Photos can be doctored, not current, and only capture a fraction of the person
• Courtship online is either great or bad (you set the parameters)
• Of the “attractive to me” group, only a fraction (.5%) will ever respond (Many of the “hotter” people on the sites NEVER EVEN OPEN YOUR MESSAGE OR VIEW YOUR PROFILE.)
• Men are still assholes
• Women are not always truthful about what they want or who they are (neither are men)

The Ugly of Online Dating

• The BAD profiles are discouraging
• LIKES that I receive from women are *quite* disappointing
• I send 100 messages to get 5 back. TOTAL. That’s a terrible percentage.
• Many of the people on the sites are either not interested OR already IN a relationship and fishing for fun
• Many of the people on dating sites and apps have no intention of actually meeting you in person
• Men are assholes and animals driven by ONE THING: SEX
• Any man that says his love language is something other than “touch” is probably lying

What is the Romantic, Available, and Single Lover to Do?

How do you navigate the BS of online dating? It’s as simple as managing your expectations and investing MORE TIME IN OFFLINE DATING than online dating. You’re probably not going to find your REAL LOVE via online dating. I know there are stats that will contradict my ideas on this, but hear me out.

Online dating connections are a long shot. Sure, there are things you can do to mitigate the wasted time, but you’re making quick decisions, often on a single photo. It’s as bad and impersonal as HOT OR NOT? (Do you recall this site? Is it still up?)

Online dating, on the other hand, has provided me with TWO stellar relationship adventures. Both with women that I would NEVER HAVE MET IN REAL LIFE. So, if you’re willing to put up with the BS and do some work on your own, online dating can serve several purposes.

The Good Uses of Online Dating

• Online Dating Gives You Hope
• Online Dating Gets You Out There
• Online Dating Makes You Consider What You Want
• Online Dating Can Provide “Date” and “Flirtation” Practice
• Online Dating Can Start Numerous Conversations (phone calls are really good learning and screening activities)
• Online Dating Can Provide Entertainment

Let’s talk about how Online Dating can serve you in your adventure to find true and lasting love. I provide a free 30-minute call to any prospective clients, with no obligation to continue. And, in that short amount of time, I can

Benefits of a Relationship Coach

• Give you a sense of hope
• Give you a taste of how a “relationship coach” works
• Explain how coaching is more like a physical trainer and less like a therapist
• Help you clarify your goals
• Decide if we should work together
• Talk through your options for finding a relationship
• Talk through your plans for building a better and healthier you
• Attracting fit and stable partners (low drama is the goal)

Here’s the LINK to schedule a call with me directly to see if a “wingman” would give you more confidence and more enthusiasm for dating and building a solid relationship for your future.

Resource: THE SEXUAL LOVESTYLES WORKSHEETS (PDF)

Namasté,

John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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Related posts:

• The Language of Love: Speaking the Truth with Kindness
• Four Ideas About Dating with Mindfulness: Listening for Signals
• Four Levels of Attraction: Hierarchy of Relationship Needs
• Sexual Hunger: How Friends with Benefits Became a Lie for Me
• Online Dating Adventure: What Is Your Quest?
• Wondering About Beauty, Sex, and My Pursuit of a Lasting Relationship
• Online Dating Challenges: Men vs. Women

Please read my books:

• Single Dad Seeks: Dating Again After Divorce: Advice and Strategies on Learning How to be Loved Again
• Fall of the House of Dad: My journey through divorce, from loss to joy, again and again
• A Good Dad’s Guide to Divorce: One father’s quest to stay connected with his children
• The Sex Index: Getting Our Love Languages Right in the Bedroom
• Here Comes the Darkness: Surviving and Thriving After a Mental Illness Diagnosis
• The Third Glass: When Drinking Becomes an Issue
• The Storm Before the Divorce: When One Parent Wants Out, That’s the End