finding my way to a healthier body

Self Love, Self Care, Self Criticism, and My Next Health Challenge

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I got fat again. I’m not sure when specifically it happened, but it happened. I’ve been fatter. I’ve been in worse shape. But today, when I stepped on a scale for the first time in several years, I was surprised how far above 200 pounds I had gotten. Holidays. Covid shutdown. All things leading to my new resolution.

Finding Love Even When Fat

Yes, even calling myself fat is an act of shaming. But it’s the truth. It didn’t really get punched into my solar plexus until last weekend when I was snow skiing with a friend. We’d visited one of his old girlfriends on the way to the mountain, she was going to care for his dog while we swooshed. At some point that afternoon, while we were skiing together, he mentioned a conversation he’d had with this woman about my weight. I was surprised. I was a bit angry. And then I let it sink in. Sure, she was right, but SRSLY, that was what she noticed and commented about me? (Stay in your own lane.) Later, my friend mentioned his concern about my weight too. It was a bizarre conversation coming from a man that hits the nicotine vape 50 or 60 times an hour. Let’s not give advice about our healthy habits or our weight, okay?

Needless to say, I have been complaining lightly (even here on this blog) about my weight. I’ve been trying to keep it on the positive side of the conversation with myself. But I don’t like the way I feel. I know that I would be happier if I lost about 15 pounds. That’s my new plan.

The really happy news I have about this self-awareness is this: even as fat as I’ve gotten, even as fat as I feel, I’m well-loved in my current relationship. We’re in this for the long haul. A few pounds one way or another doesn’t change our love or our feelings for each other. And in my case, I am doing a better job of not shaming myself into a healthier pattern. I’m going through a fat period. That’s all. I’m not unfit or lazy. I play competitive tennis 4 or 5 times a week. So, I’m fit AND fat. That’s not a contradiction.

What Needs to Change

For March, starting today, actually, I’m done with added sugar and desserts. My unhealthy eating habits have begun to take their toll, regardless of how much I exercise. As a friend once said, “You can’t outrun the fork.” In my case, the fork is a spoon of ice cream. My weakness and unhealthy habit. Ice cream is my drug of choice. It’s gotten out of hand. My habits are easy targets for modification. No more ice cream after tennis. No more pints. No more dessert. Sugar needs to be a luxury and not an assumption.

Here’s my plan.

  • keep the exercise level high
  • add additional walks or runs into my schedule
  • kill alcohol and ice cream (all added sugar)
  • drink water
  • sleep well
  • easy on the caffiene reliance
  • eat better food (less snacks, more veggies)
  • love myself at all my weights

Track My Food Weight

The biggest commitment I’m making, aside from dropping ice cream, is to maintain a consumption journal. Just short notes about what I eat and what snacks I go for during the day. As well, I’m going to weigh myself each Friday morning. That’s tomorrow, btw. And while I’m not sharing that tracking chart or numbers right away, I’m hoping to have some insights and successes to share with you about my lifelong challenge to maintain a healthier weight.

What are you doing to maintain your healthy lifestyle? What are your weak points? How are you about fat shaming (yourself or others)? I think my revulsion of the celebrity fat pride movement is my own self-image that pains me when I see Lizzo or other larger individuals.

Gentle on myself and my healing and healthy body.


John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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