Like a broken arm that heals stronger than before it was broken, what if your big love can come back with more resilience, more compassion, more flexibility when things go dark? That's the plan.
But, with each of my last three relationships, I learned some fundamental truths about myself in a relationship. I am not surprised that dating has little or no allure. I had such a wonderful partner. I learned what if felt like to be loved with abandon and openness. And I learned how far I could go before I broke down over the disconnections that continued to happen.
What I do know for me, is that online dating has produced exactly two relationships. And, both relationships were beneficial and educational. But my belief is that online dating is a pretty lazy way to go about seeking a partner.
Richard and Tina’s story started with a fairytale wedding on the beach and continued, to this point, for ten years, two kids, and counting. Our conversation continues as we dig into a bit more of their challenges and successes.
Being in a loving relationship is a continuous process of micro-corrections in our everyday lives together. We will all have difficulties and disagreements, the trick is how we choose to address them as a couple. In a healthy and consciously aware relationship, we can make choices that move us towards our partner.
And when we have done the very best we can, given trying circumstances, and fought to the very last point, it is okay to accept defeat. And in defeat, learn the lesson of the day. The lawnmowers are going to show up in your life. You cannot control them. But you can control your response to them, by taking responsibility for yourself, and ultimately, taking care of yourself.
Today, I release the devil I know in both him ("step-dad" stereotype personified) and my ex-wife. I hope that their mutual anger and unresolved pain can find resolution at some point in their lives. I no longer have to give him a centimeter in my heart.
By sharing my pain about the divorce, my struggles with depression, and my adventure to become the best dad I can be, I believe I am giving others a chance to feel some of their pain and loss through my story. By living through it, by persevering, and by continuing to live on the positive side of life, I am giving my kids an example for our to live their lives.