I did not want an incremental win. I needed a massive win, so what was required of me, as the captain, was massive action. I had been on this oxygen-starved…
There are plenty of single parents who use their kids to get out of almost every obligation. Even obligations to themselves, for say... exercise, dating, taking responsibility for their own actions. And I have been the dad who apologized for checking his phone when a text dinged while on a date.
We are in the final countdown to liftoff from Tranquillity Base. I used to joke that I was feeling no pain here, but that I was slightly anesthetized. This morning, my…
So I'm a little rocket ship. And when I'm well-fueled, well-balanced, and have a good map in front of me, all systems are go, green lights across the board, look out, cause here we go.
Sitting around that table, telling 15 people I'd just met about how I hoped to make it past 9 am on the next day, was a liberating experience.
Though I had no map for the road ahead, I did have my own core happiness and strength. And even though the future had suddenly appeared darker and more ominous I responded with laughter. The situation was not funny.
I got rid of about 50% of my things, and sold the spaceship and returned to the "captain without a ship" state that I find myself in right now. I put what was left of my things in storage and moved into my mom's garage. And again, I went back to the drawing board in search of a better map.
I wish my co-parent all the joy and love in the world. I can no longer provide any of those things. But I can be a soft cushion when she needs to hit or collapse into something. I resolve not to hit back. But, I won't stand-in for the drama anymore. I will only take my responsibility. I will only pay attention to the business between us as we continue together in co-parenting.