Yes, we are sexual animals. And from time to time I imagine doing the dating thing with more of a “hookup” mentality. It won’t work.
I tried having an FWB relationship with an ex-girlfriend once. It went really well until it didn’t. I recall a conversation with my mom a year ago, when I was telling her about my experiment. “I needed to see if there was still anything to the rest of the relationship,” I said.
“Why would you do that?” asked my mom, who’s not been in a relationship of any kind for over 40 years.
“I still had strong feelings for her. There was part of me that wanted to work it out. When you get that close to someone, living together for several years, there’s a lot to it.”
The part I didn’t mention to my mom but was pointed out to me by a subsequent girlfriend, “Oh, you wanted to get laid.”
All three of us were right.
- I did want to get laid, and my prior girlfriend had set a new benchmark for sex
- I did still have strong feelings for this woman and I wanted to see if they were authentic or just loneliness
- Why in the world would I consider resetting a relationship with someone who drank every night?
As it turned out, the whimsical reunion was just that, a whimsy. We gathered a few times and discussed parameters for our engagement. We expressed our affection, still, for one another. And then we had great sex. And then we spent the work week sort of feeling like we were in a relationship and knowing we were not. But I always looked forward to our gatherings. I fantasized about them. I brought little treats for her. And it seemed we were both giddy when we’d reunite. It was a mutual happy-fest. Except the aim was self-gratification. There was no future plans in our plans. And that put a slight pallor of angst on the entire scene. Still, we moved forward and enjoyed what we could of each other, as best we could.
[read the rest of the story in The Third Glass – Available Now on Amazon.]