Nothing is as it seems.
With the massive number of changes in my life, I am trying to decipher and make decisions based on strong signals. Dead ends, priorities that are out of whack in my life, an escalating challenge of mental, physical, and spiritual health. The universe has indeed cracked open again, and just in time for my 59th birthday. (NOVEMBER – Sagittarius)
I’m going to explore this moment out loud, here. Namasté.
When It’s Go Time, Again
I have been in this moment a number of times in my life. The moment is some sort of awakening, a tectonic shift of my worldview, my prospects for future adventures, and a bright hot warning sign to GET IT RIGHT THIS TIME. Here are a few of the previous moments, that have occured since I’ve been writing this blog.
March 10, 2018, the message was:
February 18, 2021 the message was:
Today is October 14th, 2021
Here are a few of the things happening this morning:
WORK: My new big job is working out quite well. The meeting on Friday with my boss’s boss was exceptional. The future here looks bright. The message: your job is your top priority. Don’t lose focus and don’t fuck around and fuck up the new gig.
MENTAL: My mental health is strong. I am learning to decelerate my ascending energies and ideas with more compassion and care for me. In the past, I would typically injure myself by either A. leaning into the moonshot and overcooking my body and soul; or B. harshly judging myself when my mood fell below the mid-point and I moved into a period of recovery.
PHYSICAL: My physical body is responding to the stress and excitement by giving me strong feedback. I have had periods of extreme exhaustion, even when the activities and tasks have been pleasurable. I have experienced a bit of dizziness. A persistent ulcer deep in my throat that feels like a sore throat (uh, oh) but it’s not. My body is clear: settle, eat better, rest well, and jump in the cold water each day as part of my “cooling my jets” regime. Even GOOD/POSITIVE excitement is stressful on your body.
SPIRITUAL: I am close to god at these times. Often, my go-to prayer and meditation is “thy will not mine.” I am asking for guidance. I am hoping for a sign. I am willing to accept leadership and answers from my quiet time in prayer. So far, the answers are not forthcoming. And that’s also as it should be. My action item >> Non-attachment and no forced movement. (See: Pausing in the Gap)
EMOTIONAL/MOOD: I’m trending up these days. AND, I’ve managed to keep my 8.5 (ascending) under the dangerous 9 level. Today, I’m at a 6 and very happy about it. All is well. I am at peace. I am not rushing towards any answer. And as I learn to pause, breathe, and pause, I am learning to lessen the fuel to my jets rather than having to “cool” them. This is a much healthier place for me to be, emotionally.
ENERGY/MOTIVATION: My motivation and energy levels are high. I am sleeping well, but waking at 3 or 4 am too excited dreams or creative inspirations. For the most part, I have been able to go back to sleep. Perhaps less water at bedtime would prevent the pee break. I’m happy with my sleep. I’m making mindful choices with my food. Often in UP times, I will neglect my food. (Either eating comfort foods: ice cream, queso, pizza, tex-mex, or forgetting to eat at all.) Today, I’d say my energy is good, solid, and under conscious management.
PEACE/MINDFULNESS: Here is a place I can use some more intentional action. Time for morning pages (see: The Artist’s Way) and meditation. Walks. Swimming once a day. And more prayer. I’ve learned ways of staying in prayer even while doing work or exercising. It’s all about intention and what words/thoughts you are repeating in your mind.
The serenity prayer is a great source of comfort during these times.
Grant me the serenity
To accept the things I cannot change
The courage to change the things I can
And the wisdom to know the difference.
Today, I can say, I’m content and ambitious at the same time. I’m creatively alive and vibrant, without too much focus on the outcome. I write, I sing, I pray, for my own pleasure and enjoyment. Sure, I happen to let you (readers) in on my journey, but I’m just going about my business and telling my story to myself. I’m sorting through what’s happening in my life and trying to make sense of it, FOR ME.
A Note to My Readers
You are a bystander. You are willing to continue reading, to contradict my contradictions, and I welcome your feedback and comments. This blog is part conversation, part confessional, and part life planning for where I am and where I want to point my heart and actions.
I am no expert. I am no Brené Brown. I am a bit more like Ms. Eat Pray Love. I tell my story and share it. I do hope it helps some people when they recognize things in their lives that either match or contradict my experience. We are learning together. I’m just sharing my journey. Blessings.
- Self-Care and Appreciation: Can I Love All of Myself Right Now?
- 3 Required Traits for Building a Lasting Relationship
- Emotional Intelligence Essentials for Long-Term Relationship Success
- Pausing in the Gap: Trying to Force An Answer Is Not the Way
Please check out my books on AMAZON.
image: Life Aquatic promo shot – Bill Murray is my spirit animal.