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Guidance and Direction Request from John of The Whole Parent

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Hi, and thanks for being a reader of The Whole Parent. A lot has changed since I started this blog over 5-years ago. My life has been through so many changes, many of them chronicled here. Many of them not. So, I thought I’d ask for your feedback again about what The Whole Parent site means to you. I need some guidance on where I take this wonderful place/blog/community. I’m going to ask the questions here, and give you an email address and a form you can use to respond as you are so moved. I appreciate all the love and support I have gotten from readers like you. And I know this support will continue as I strive to reach larger audiences, and use my voice for the benefit of others who are coming into the journey of divorce behind us.

Here’s the point of The Whole Parent

  1. Take whatever the divorce throws at you and transform it into something positive.
  2. Never respond to angry tirades from our ex, realize they are hurt/hurting and their words are meant to hurt us. A non-response is the only response. An angry response means they have achieved their aim. Disengage with your ex around anger.
  3. Parenting is the focus of the relationship after divorce. Co-parenting is a nice term, but I’ve not been able to achieve anything remotely like co-parenting with my angry ex-wife. Not my choice. Not my fault. Not my issue. I can remain focused on my parenting. I can do the best I can, given the circumstances of my divorce. And I can remain a positive and loving influence on my kids.
  4. Move on beyond the divorce. Too many of us can get hung up in “divorce recovery” and never recover. We need to move on. With kids, we can never fully let go of the other parent, but we can release them. I no longer have any expectations of the mother of my children. I know she must be doing what she sees is best for them. Towards me, she’s like a frustrated child. She asked for the divorce. And yet, even remarried, she’s unhappy with me. I’m her scapegoat. But only for her. I don’t have to buy into or respond to her brays of anger.
  5. Work to find a healthy relationship. You may fail a few times along the way, but healthy relationships are possible. Healthy, monogamous, loving, supportive, relationships are possible. Keep striving for 100%. Don’t give in and give up on your “healthy” dream. Anything less will likely end in an unhealthy breakup.
  6. Love your kids beyond what you imagined was possible. You don’t have to become a Disneyland parent, but do make your time and love available in every way you can. Yes, a love relationship is important, but not if it’s at the expense of your connection to your children.
  7. Love yourself. Forgive yourself for the failure of the marriage. Forgive yourself for all the times you’ve failed as a divorced parent. And then brush yourself off, get back up, and rock the parenting role. Rock. It. Your kids are the most important thing in your life. Future love relationships may come and go, your relationship with your kids is vital to both you and them. Be the best parent you can be.

A few future potentials I am considering for The Whole Parent:

  1. Building a private (subscription only) community where you can talk directly with me and with other readers.
  2. A premium content model. Where you pay a little bit a month to get everything I publish.
    1. Books.
    2. Articles on other sites.
    3. Special request articles.
    4. Free webinars
    5. Free group support calls
  3. A Relationship Podcast (topics TBD – including, dating, relationships, divorce, parenting, sex, depression, recovery)

I’d love to hear your ideas of what The Whole Parent means to you. And also, what else I could be doing to support you in your journey to becoming a better, more “whole,” parent/lover/person.

HERE IS THE SURVEY LINK: https://www.surveymonkey.com/r/CDGCZQX

And you can send your email, if you’d prefer to [email protected]

John McElhenney

Back to Positive Divorce & Co-Parenting

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