candy hearts by ai

Finding the Valentine’s Cure: Why I Hate the Laziness of V-Day

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It’s a day. It’s a day that was created for marketing chocolate, flowers, and grossly expensive diamonds. Do you have to “buy” into the commercialism of V-day? No, I assure you, you do not.

The VD Joke Is On Us

If you’re trying to make up for being an asshole the rest of the year, just skip Valentine’s day this year, okay? A day is a shabby way to excuse your past transgressions. There’s nothing amazingly cosmic or sacred about Valentine’s day. I’ve never been good at it. I almost go the other way in my expression of love.

  • Flowers often mean, “I’m sorry, I fkd up.”
  • Chocolate often means, “I’d love to get high with you.”
  • Diamonds often mean, “I don’t care much about the Earth, but I’ll pay thousands for this blood diamond because the ads convince me this is the way to your heart.”

Am I being a buzz kill? Do I enjoy the song “Cupid’s Dead” so much because of the lyrics or the sentiment?

Let’s get one major gaping hole about V-day straight: “What about the other 364 days of the year?”

Each Day Is An Opportunity to Say I Love You

Let’s say you’re really into V-day. What about the rest of the days? Flowers should be presented frequently, surprisingly, for no reason, other than to say, “You are beautiful and I want to share these beautiful flowers with you.”

V-Day is for kids in elementary school. Teaching us, at an early age, that love is love is love is love. Fun to see kids digging the vibe of hearts and kisses and candy. The sugar high, is about as good as it gets. Well, okay, getting the Valentine from the cute girl in your class, that’s priceless. But it should not inform our love lives as adults. If you can create some of the giddy excitement from your youth and express that to your partner, go for it.

V-Day marketing is about business. Driving sales. Hallmark wants to sell you cards. Zales wants to sell you diamonds. The media wants to sell you love and celebrity romance. It’s all emotional cotton candy. Fun, sticky sweet, and NOTHING TO IT. Let’s not make our love and romance about a $7.95 card and $799 diamond from the mall jewelry store. Let’s not make it about premature marriage proposals. Let’s not make it about anything but what it is, SALES and MARKETING.

Today Is Valentine’s Day, Tomorrow Is Valentine’s Day

When you love someone tell them all the damn time. Stop withholding your affection and love taps. Give yourself love by giving love. As they say, “The love you take is equal to the love you make.” It’s actually simpler than that, as musician Rhett Miller says in his song,

The love you make
Well, that’s all there is

Let’s live in that world. Make love. Give love. Be love. Don’t buy love. Don’t sell love. (Unless that’s your business. Sex-positive welcome here.)

Let’s make more love. Don’t wait for V-day. Don’t regress to childhood ideas of what love and affection should look like. We’ve evolved since second grade, right? Sure, a nice dinner out. A show together. A special evening. Those are all wonderful aspects of Valentine’s day. AND, you can do that shit every weekend. Date night should be a spiritual practice for any couple committed to growing, appreciating, and evolving with each other.

Let Go of Hallmark Card Love, Show Up 365 Days

Show up every minute of your life. Give love to those around you. Give love and affection to your partner. And for god’s sake, stop glorifying and rationalizing the commercialism of the Valentine’s Day industry.

Disclaimer: Yes, I brought my girlfriend a large bouquet of pink roses today. She can enjoy them all weekend and not wonder, “Is he going to…” I did. But I do little acts of love all the time. I also brought her ice cream, lunch for later, and some coffee. But I do things, heartfelt and considerate things, ALL THE TIME.

Don’t wait for Valentine’s Day.

If you’re not good at being romantic, or thoughtful, or loving, sure, take a note from all the influence towards love during this season, and add some of that sauce into your love life. You need to love your partner with all you have. Today is the only chance you get to tell them how much you care. Better yet, to show them, how much you care by ACTION and not cards with cute words and hearts on them.

Get on with love and really loving your partner. Be loving every day.


John McElhenney – life coach austin texas
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Image: is candy hearts ideas created by AI, not sure this captures the spirit of the idea.

How I Can Help

I am a relationship coach and a dating coach. I coach women in 1 x 1 zoom or facetime calls. I work in monthly blocks (4 sessions). We establish a relationship. I become your wingman in navigating and sorting through the bullshit of dating and relationships. If you are here, you’ve probably already read some of my opinions. If we’re a fit, we will both know on our first call.

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