Becoming a single dad was one of the most traumatic events of my life. I did not want the divorce, I fought against the divorce, and ultimately I agreed to collaborative divorce and was taken to the cleaners by an ex who decided to go for the “divorce package” rather than honor our 50/50 shared parenting agreement.
If I am craving a women, for a relationship, for example, I am more likely to eat well, to keep my exercise routine constant. I am more likely to be working to make myself the best mate I could be.
There was something hopeful about imagining hundreds of women who were looking for a relationship. I wanted to dip my toe in the water and see what they looked like.
Fatherhood Wide Open podcast interviews John McElhenney about becoming the best single dad possible.
Dads do get the short end of the deal most of the time in divorce. Wives get the house, the kids, and the lion's share of the money. Dad's... Well, we get a hefty child-support payment and if we're successful, we can afford a small enough place that can still hold our kids and ourselves.
As sex leads the way to love, the pathways in your brain really begin to get hyperactive. You start thinking about long-range plans together. You start imagining yourself with this person, living together, getting married, having kids. Love is the drug that has launched a million relationships.
My non-depression (or normal) me is a bit more energetic and creative than most people. I get high, yes, but its natural energy (maybe some coffee) and it's what I consider the real me. The undepressed me. Still, you might think I was high if you met me.
I'm as happy as I've ever been. I'm still digging into and talking about my anger resistance. But everything seems to be moving in the right direction in my life. I'm putting in the work on myself. I'm striving for success rather than just survival.
Depression aside, the most powerful work we can do on ourselves is to get straight with our family of origin. It may take a lifetime, and you may not be able to fully rid yourself of the unhealthy influence, but you've got to keep trying.