The two of us have been through a lot already. We've jumped through some burning hoops to see the next layer of protection being stripped away. We are pretty close to the pure joy of finding time together and knowing that we will enjoy the company of this other person until something else comes along.
I believe in order to find our lover we need a fairly clear picture of what they might be. Way beyond looks, the construction or destruction happens over the course of the initial weeks of "dating." What forms beyond the initial chemistry is what will remain beyond the heat of the sexual newness.
During my failing marriage, I got very good at listening for the sirens of destruction (I had done something wrong) and looking for an escape or some heroic journey to fix the problem. Both in my marriage and in this relationship, that was not the right approach.
So what is it about my silences that kept her wanting more and my love songs that freaked her out? Do women want romantic love? Or was it just too soon for this woman, to be ready for the heady fall?
So what do you do with a relationship between men and women when the request for sex is constant and unrelenting? Well, of course, the man needs to figure out a way to pleasure himself, or he's going to be frustrated a lot of the time. And it's really not the woman's responsibility, even in a marriage, to pleasure us.
You can keep playing around on Tinder and the like. Or you can get on with your life and living and engage with people who are equally engaged with their lives. You need someone who's happy and thriving on their own. Who wants a relationship, but only when it's right. You need someone who is not wasting time chatting online with super-attractive partners who are 10-years younger.
How do you self-regulate when you are dating? When things start going REALLY WELL, how do you moderate yourself? If you're a super-sensual person, is it harder for you to say "no" to the intoxicating high of sex and the love hormones?
There is no bridge that's going to make our relationship work again, so my longing necessarily stayed in my own heart. There is no sense in sharing our desires and hopes when the other person is not available. It only makes it hurt worse.