What You Can’t Tell Your Kids After Divorce
You can't replace or redo the lost time. But you can grow back into your full self, into a whole parent, and be even better when they are with you.
Relationships take a lot of work. Dating, online dating, and courtship all have one goal, to give us a Relationship to thrive in. It is hard to find a healthy, attractive, and willing partner. When you do, what happens next is the most important part. I work on relationship-building as a skill set. How can I be a better partner? How can I say with this person for life?
You can't replace or redo the lost time. But you can grow back into your full self, into a whole parent, and be even better when they are with you.
My ex-wife and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. But one thing we've kept relatively clear over the last 5 years of divorce is THE KIDS COME FIRST. Always.
We tore up the 50/50 schedule that I brought into the counseling session. We started again with the SPO and the non-custodial rights and responsibilities. And while I gave up a huge piece of my "dad time" that day, I've never stopped working to show up for my kids at every opportunity afforded me.
Your kids are learning about life from how you behave, not how you tell them to behave. So behave honorably. Be respectful of your former partner. And love them with all of your heart when they are with you.
My dream in all those years of aloneness, in all the workout-cardio tennis classes, was to get myself in good enough shape to attract a woman and get her on the tennis court. BOOM. At that moment, even before we'd struck a single ball, I GOT IT. This is what I was missing.
In my experience striking for the NEW TO MATCH folks is a good idea. They say all of the good ones are taken, and perhaps the really good ones are snapped up quickly.
I wanted my marriage to continue, but it did not. And that failure has given way to such joy and happiness that it's hard not to thank my ex-wife for giving me this new opportunity for a joyous life.
My anger is my own. My kids are a shared resource and responsibility. My ex is a wonderful human being who is doing her best in the world.