Relationships take a lot of work. Dating, online dating, and courtship all have one goal, to give us a Relationship to thrive in. It is hard to find a healthy, attractive, and willing partner. When you do, what happens next is the most important part. I work on relationship-building as a skill set. How can I be a better partner? How can I say with this person for life?
As you eventually become an adult, there are opportunities for self-regulation that begin to define you. For some folks, the casual drink is the indulgence that gives them a warm fuzzy feeling. But again, as we evolve as adults we begin to look beyond the buzz and towards other objectives.
I felt like I had a pretty good idea of the way the divorce was going to go, once I agreed to actually get a divorce. We went, eyes wide open, into the negotiations about parenting rights, money, schedules, and I also felt like I had a cooperative soon-to-be wife who was not going to try to destroy me. The first part was true, the second part, well...
Stay focused in the present moment, but do allow yourself to dream and project into the future with your partner. Opening those doors of dreaming together has been a gateway of power for us.
If you put your kids first you may need to fight to get what you want. And by putting your kids first, sometimes you may have to fight their mom. But to be the best dad you can be, you have to be there, you have to spend time with your kids. All of that time that was taken away is now water under the bridge, but today it's much more clear for me. I take every offer to have the kids an extra night or to support my ex when she has to work late.
The choice to head towards less consciousness on a regular basis is a conscious choice, nonetheless. Decide consciously when are about to fill up your third glass. Talk about the evening with your significant other.
Unless I want to sue her, but that's contrary to my entire premise of the positive co-parent. I'm learning to be better, more forgiving, and more loving, even of my ex-wife.
And as we radiate and recommit, as we lean in towards one another and take the leap of faith towards life-transforming love, we can see the effect our joy is having on our friends and family. And the kids, while still readjusting to our new configuration, are already showing warmth and enthusiasm around our together unit, which now includes a new partner for me.
I will be in the process of recalibrating my life in relationship to my ex-wife probably for the rest of my life. Even after the kids are off and doing their own lives, there are always collective contributions that need to be made, adult advice that needs to be given, and we will never fully separate from the relationship.