The silence and loneliness and grief brought me back to a deeper connection to my own soul. A deeper connection with myself. And that ever-elusive self-love.
Depression aside, the most powerful work we can do on ourselves is to get straight with our family of origin. It may take a lifetime, and you may not be able to fully rid yourself of the unhealthy influence, but you've got to keep trying.
Slowly but surely, with patience and grace, I will be in relationship again. Months from now, a year from now, I hope to be writing you again about "the love of my life." Heck if you don't believe it, how will you ever get there.
Losing my consuming relationship was critical to finding this loneliness and then finding the way to reach out to people who cared about me. Even if I didn't really understand how they cared about me, I could not deny his check-in on Facebook.
But I came upon a different perspective with my latest loss of a 2.5 year relationship. I don't want to date at all. I want to have some women friends and see if anything develops from our friendship. Like everyone goes into the friend zone until I'm 6 months sober from my last intoxicating adventure. I'm not ready to date or be in a relationship even though it's what I long for. I like being a couple. I like mundane joys alongside someone I love.
I just choose to stay conscious. I hope that I am facing my issues head-on rather than trying to escape from them or block them out. I have issues. But I'd rather face them sober.
So, if you're single, go ahead and put your best foot forward and get out there. Getting to a relationship may take months, so you might as well start exploring the field. And if you see the 10% as potentials then you begin to get hopeful that there "might" be someone out there for you.
I say it all the time, I'm not much into dating. I'd rather have a relationship. The idea of a new woman *is* exciting, however, the steps to uncover and…