The Prayer for All Single Parents (downloadable)
I wish you happiness in your new life, I always want to see you shine, you are the other half, the partner in this parenting journey we accepted together. Your joy…
Love is the core skill and core need we all have. Many of us grew up in homes where love was conditional. If you behave this way I will love you. If you go against my wishes, I will exclude you from my love. This is not how love works. Love is universal energy, either you’re tapped into it and give it freely, or you are lacking in love.
I wish you happiness in your new life, I always want to see you shine, you are the other half, the partner in this parenting journey we accepted together. Your joy…
The sad part is my kids don't get much of me and my happiness. They get something less than joyful, most of the time. I can see it and feel it in them. But there's no amount of money or grief that can bring back those lost years. Today, there is only "Where do I go from here as a good dad?"
Bless your co-parent just as they are. Let go of your expectations about co-parenting. Then parent as best you can. Release everyone, even yourself, from the expectations and dreams you had of a wonderful co-parenting relationship.
Two people agree to have kids and a huge shift happens in their lives and their future together. You are committing to a lifetime of connection with this person, even as you are agreeing to bring new dependants onto the planet. It's a massive transition, this becoming a parent. Deciding to divorce your co-parent is another huge shift.
I wonder, someday, will they ask how the divorce happened? Will my adult kids want to know who's idea it was to break up our family? These are conversations I could never have with them unless they asked.
In the spaces between relationships, we get to know ourselves again. As we all head towards the holidays, I'd like to remember to be more mindful of my energy and emotional state. Sure, still do the dishes if they need to be done, but don't sweat the small stuff. And some days, give yourself a break. It's okay to be alone. Being by yourself is one relationship we always need to cultivate.
I will not settle for average and I hope you will not either. Average will get you down the road a bit, but it's not the lasting relationship you are looking for. That's one of the reasons dating can be difficult. We don't want to be alone so we might go on a lot of average dates.
Alone, I am still somewhat of a hungry animal. I contemplate calling my recent ex more frequently than I'd like to imagine. It's a similar story to my previous relationship. Perhaps we can just get our physical needs met without worrying too much about the relationship or the future.