It seems the biggest marker for success is the general outlook of the other person: Happy camper vs. unhappy camper. In my second marriage I thought we had a match, but the stress and change brought on by having kids sort of flipped her mode.
What I do best in life is love. And that I have been given a gift for sharing that experience via writing and music, is one of the major wins in my life. This new lease on love is another. May you find what you were looking for. May you find the happiness that comes from within so you can share it with others. The divorce gave me back my joy and freedom and allowed me a second chance to find life-long love.
In spite of the anger and resentment, you've got to drop your psychological work elsewhere. Your kids don't have any skills for dealing with your sadness or anger, and your ex has got better things to do.
I'm a happy climber. And I'm in a relationship now with another happy climber. There's always going to be hills in life, and it is your attitude about your own work ahead that makes the difference.
Dad's are just as important as moms. Even with young kids, the loss of either parent (my dad left when I was 5) is one of the most painful aspects of divorce.
The fracture and collapse of my marriage ultimately became the emotional firestorm that uncorked my artistic voice. In my own individual struggle to survive, I found my release through writing. After the divorce, as I thrashed and fell apart during the months following my separation, I wrote to make sense of what was happening.
The first time my sweetheart crossed my path I was in no mood or frame of mind for anything beyond my own sad story. When we crossed paths the second time, she was well prepared with my trigger words and actions. And I was broadcasting on all channels my desire for a partner to step up and be enveloped in my madness.
It's all about the kids. If you've still got a beef with your ex you need to get over it. There's no point. You might have disagreements about stuff, but those should be handled with the same intensity as a convenience store clerk.