Finding joy in your life is a big part of the plan.

I believe we have set points, but not of happiness, of joy. I know that even in moments of extreme grief I can feel joy. Joy is a pursuit. Joy is either a focus of your attention or not. It’s kind of like being positive, but it’s different.

Joy is different than happiness. Joy is part of our internal compass. You’ve got to find your own inner joy. It’s a big shift, this focus on inner joy and not outer happiness. I cannot control many of the aspects of my life. I am not always happy. But, I am learning to be always joyful.

Displacement: A Single-Parenting Love Story

Here's what that looks like. About 2 - 3 times a year, they freeze my bank accounts. I call them. They ask how much money is in the accounts. (As if they don't know.) Then they take 50% of everything I have. And in the course of the next few days, my banks will unfreeze the rest of the money. Effectively, I am left with zero dollars.

Continue ReadingDisplacement: A Single-Parenting Love Story

Divorce Recovery: How Long Must We Stick to the Lie?

I don't want a single parent to get lost in the shuffle of divorce. I want fathers and mothers to have equal access to their children, even in the case of divorce.

Continue ReadingDivorce Recovery: How Long Must We Stick to the Lie?

Relationships at the Speed of Life: On Becoming a Couple Together

I'm a handful. I'm whimsical. I'm capricious. I have a lot of irons in the fire. And, sure, I demand a woman with a high level of confidence and well-seasoned experience in relationship building. We've got to both be into the evolution of becoming a couple.

Continue ReadingRelationships at the Speed of Life: On Becoming a Couple Together

You Saw the Red Flags, Right? Why We Lean In When We Should Leave

I'm sensing some sort of "shoe ready to drop" but it's all in my mind at this point. It's like PTSD from my past relationships. I don't really recognize when I meet a healthy partner.

Continue ReadingYou Saw the Red Flags, Right? Why We Lean In When We Should Leave

What I Learned About Sex: It’s Almost All In Your Mind

Know what does it for you and being able to show or tell your partner is a key ingredient for evolved sex. As we can let go of traditional SEX as the goal and open up to the full range of erotic experiences, we can expand our pleasure and our sexual vocabularies.

Continue ReadingWhat I Learned About Sex: It’s Almost All In Your Mind

How Soon Do You Say, “I Love You” In a New Relationship?

At this point in my life, 8 years divorced with two teenage kids, I have a lot of life ahead of me. As I see this woman standing beside me, I see a partner who can join with me in my dreams, who can challenge me in my beliefs and fallacies, and who is solid enough in her own life path that she shares joy and confidence in our potential lives together.

Continue ReadingHow Soon Do You Say, “I Love You” In a New Relationship?