The general mode of life with dad is positive and happy. I am *so* happy to have them on the days and nights I am afforded, that there is little room for complaints or nagging.
Finding joy in your life is a big part of the plan.
I believe we have set points, but not of happiness, of joy. I know that even in moments of extreme grief I can feel joy. Joy is a pursuit. Joy is either a focus of your attention or not. It’s kind of like being positive, but it’s different.
- A Radical Approach to Joy
- Big Love & the Tonic Effect of Being In a Nourishing Relationship
- Looking to Get a Little Higher: Seeking Elevation & Immortality
- In This Moment You Choose: Happy or Resentful
- Finding Myself and My Body, Again
- Setting Priorities in Life: The Only Path Forward
- Listening To Yourself About Craving, Loneliness, Longing
- This Very Moment… This Is It… Stop… Smell the Roses… Give Thanks.
- My Hierarchy of Needs Revisited: The Short List of Happiness
- Overwhelmed and Out of Balance: Finding Your Inner Chill
- The Company You Keep and Keeping Your Own Company
- Resilience, Self-Care, the Mindset of Joy in This Moment
Joy is different than happiness. Joy is part of our internal compass. You’ve got to find your own inner joy. It’s a big shift, this focus on inner joy and not outer happiness. I cannot control many of the aspects of my life. I am not always happy. But, I am learning to be always joyful.
Sex is a complex dance. We've got to have better communication about it. I'm no fine example. It can be difficult just to say, "Um, can you try this."
I am still in love with my kids and even the woman who brought them. It's evolved into something very different than I planned. And even as I hope for a co-pilot again, there will never be an astronaut who turned herself so completely inside and out to be a family together.
And then I would get a second wind and sprint back to the front of the pack and send another mis-timed missive. Damn. I didn't learn very quickly that this was a running woman, but she wasn't ready to run with me into an "R" relationship.
It's a bit like looking for your tribe. I've been a joy-generator for a long time. And I am looking now for my Joy Tribe. The happy people. The women who glow with something intangible but palpable. I could feel it, but I didn't understand it at first. And then my whimsical exchange with the online dating woman reminded me. It's playfulness, it's banter, is something easy about the flow of information and a building connection.I
So we don't really have a word for what we "are." I don't like dating, so I'm not dating her. She doesn't like the idea of a long-term relationship so we're not doing that either. Do we need an easy handle on what we are forming between us? No. Is it more convenient if you are able to say, my boyfriend and my girlfriend? Maybe a tad better than my lover, or my life-mate. But please, we're splitting hairs. Do we like to be together? Yes. Are there things we like to do together besides fool around in bed? Yes. Then do that. Do all of that.
I'm a bit closer to my ex-wife now, having seen a glimpse into her life. I know we're both doing the best we can. And Boyhood celebrates that triumph both alone and together.
I hope you meet a lot of nice people out there. But don't be fooled by their looks, their profile statements, or their fluent email banter. Go for the face-to-face meeting with as little hassle and energy as possible. If it becomes difficult to land the date, for whatever reason, move on. If they wanted to meet they would also be trying to make it happen, not giving excuses.