Finding joy in your life is a big part of the plan.
I believe we have set points, but not of happiness, of joy. I know that even in moments of extreme grief I can feel joy. Joy is a pursuit. Joy is either a focus of your attention or not. It’s kind of like being positive, but it’s different.
Joy is different than happiness. Joy is part of our internal compass. You’ve got to find your own inner joy. It’s a big shift, this focus on inner joy and not outer happiness. I cannot control many of the aspects of my life. I am not always happy. But, I am learning to be always joyful.
There's no time for a relationship initiation. But the game of online dating sure seems more active and more fun up here. And, now that this post is written, I will probably share it with any potential coffee meetups, just to give them the full picture of who I am.
I wish you happiness in your new life, I always want to see you shine, you are the other half, the partner in this parenting journey we accepted together. Your joy…
I agreed to be a part-time dad. I learned to focus on my own life and rebuilding my hobbies and passions outside of being a parent or a husband. It has been a difficult journey. I celebrate my kids when I can and as best I can, but a huge portion of their lives was given away when I agreed to less than 50/50 parenting.
The sad part is my kids don't get much of me and my happiness. They get something less than joyful, most of the time. I can see it and feel it in them. But there's no amount of money or grief that can bring back those lost years. Today, there is only "Where do I go from here as a good dad?"
I wonder, someday, will they ask how the divorce happened? Will my adult kids want to know who's idea it was to break up our family? These are conversations I could never have with them unless they asked.
In the spaces between relationships, we get to know ourselves again. As we all head towards the holidays, I'd like to remember to be more mindful of my energy and emotional state. Sure, still do the dishes if they need to be done, but don't sweat the small stuff. And some days, give yourself a break. It's okay to be alone. Being by yourself is one relationship we always need to cultivate.
I will not settle for average and I hope you will not either. Average will get you down the road a bit, but it's not the lasting relationship you are looking for. That's one of the reasons dating can be difficult. We don't want to be alone so we might go on a lot of average dates.
Alone, I am still somewhat of a hungry animal. I contemplate calling my recent ex more frequently than I'd like to imagine. It's a similar story to my previous relationship. Perhaps we can just get our physical needs met without worrying too much about the relationship or the future.