Finding joy in your life is a big part of the plan.
I believe we have set points, but not of happiness, of joy. I know that even in moments of extreme grief I can feel joy. Joy is a pursuit. Joy is either a focus of your attention or not. It’s kind of like being positive, but it’s different.
Joy is different than happiness. Joy is part of our internal compass. You’ve got to find your own inner joy. It’s a big shift, this focus on inner joy and not outer happiness. I cannot control many of the aspects of my life. I am not always happy. But, I am learning to be always joyful.
A relationship coach can Give you a sense of hope; Give you a taste of how a "relationship coach" works; Explain how coaching is more like a physical trainer and less like a therapist; Help you clarify your goals.
Once your kids are out of the house, learning to find yourself and what makes you happy, is much more important than seeking your next sexual partner. In fact, I believe the first step to divorce or breakup recovery is finding your own inner joy again.
When divorce with children is your path be prepared for a lot of highs and lows. You can do it. And your efforts will be rewarded later. Your kids will never know what you went through to stay in their lives, but they will appreciate your presence and loving guidance well into adulthood.
How do you find your community? Can you bring more creative energy to your life path? Do you know what things give you aspirational ideas? How can you begin to celebrate and nurture your own Alive Tribe?
Let go of your anger in any way you can, that does not involve your kids or your ex. And rebuild your best life by focusing on your actions and words. Move forward towards the hope that your kids will be healthy and undamaged by the divorce.
If you end most workdays with a loss of motivation and deep exhaustion, I'd like to invite you to dig deeper and get to the heart of what keeps you there, and what you could begin to change if you knew where you wanted to go.
Work on the feedback loop in all interactions with your partner. If you can get the core link between the two of you solid and healthy, you can move together towards a jointly-imagined horizon. Don't settle. Don't let things get off track. Always speak your truth.
The power of sex is back and I don't want to give it up now any more than I did when my marriage began to falter. This time, I don't have to suffer when things go off the rails, I can just pack up and move along to another potential mate.