Divorce, once mentioned, is a slippery and difficult journey. As you pull apart the lives you’ve built together, there will be anger, resentment, frustration, and even joy, and ecstasy. But the divorce is hard on everyone. Listen for who needs support and then give your love and attention. Always.
POSITIVE DIVORCE (is a concept, an alignment, an intention I use as I go through life as a single dad.)
Divorce is one of the most disorienting events in my life. Everything was lost. I have made a point of trying to turn the bad points into positive information. I am here support you as best I can to lessen the impact on your children. Divorce is the beginning of a new journey. You can make it better for everyone by paying attention to what matters. Your anger at your ex needs to be handled on your own.
In disappointment, I withdrew into my Buddha-like head and perhaps developed a Buddha-like belly at the same time. She withdrew into more anger and disappointment, and perhaps into an escalating spiral she could not see a way beyond.
Get right with yourself before moving on to partner with another person. You'll be much more attractive to other healthy people, and better equipped to see and avoid negative relationships.
Divorce is a bitch. And divorce-mas (the Christmas time when you're a single parent) is one of the times people experience the most sadness and stress. Here's the plan.
The goal is never to blame the other person for the breakup, even if they were the reason you are breaking up. Always take your responsibility for the miss. And make it about the chemistry, the mix, the overall relationship and not about them or their poor behavior. Remember, you are leaving the relationship, not trying to teach them a lesson or educate them.
Hitting delete instead of send can make all the difference. I had another one of those moments this morning. An email from the mother of my children saying some passive-aggressive things…
I'm watching my kids grow up from a distance, and it's painful. Sure, I have the standard possession order, the simple divorce equation for 80% of dads. But we're getting the raw end of the deal. Actually, divorce is the rawest end of the deal, but once that's determined, the only thing you can do is hope for maximizing your time with your kids. Still, it's not enough.
Still, I'm not sure where her playful person went. I was offering new ideas while I was also trying to accommodate her "clean house" and "stable bank account" requirements. But I don't think she ever put a LOVE LIST together.
The main thing to remember as the divorce s-storm is heading your way is to take care of yourself. Like on the airplane when they say to put your mask on first and then your kid's masks. That's so you are conscious to be able to help them. Divorce is the same way. Take the time you need before jumping back into a relationship. Enjoy your freedom. Explore your alone time.