Divorce, once mentioned, is a slippery and difficult journey. As you pull apart the lives you’ve built together, there will be anger, resentment, frustration, and even joy, and ecstasy. But the divorce is hard on everyone. Listen for who needs support and then give your love and attention. Always.
POSITIVE DIVORCE (is a concept, an alignment, an intention I use as I go through life as a single dad.)
Divorce is one of the most disorienting events in my life. Everything was lost. I have made a point of trying to turn the bad points into positive information. I am here support you as best I can to lessen the impact on your children. Divorce is the beginning of a new journey. You can make it better for everyone by paying attention to what matters. Your anger at your ex needs to be handled on your own.
We could've separated and agreed to a 50/50 parenting and 50/50 custody schedule as I requested. That was more in keeping with the way we parented. But it did not match up with my then-wife's objectives. Those "options" she learned about from the attorney, rather than the options about staying in the relationship she could've learned in the couple's therapy.
Dear single mom, I am not the enemy. I am also not in pursuit of you when I smile or ask you how your day is going. I understand divorce is a bitch. Single parenting is a bitch. And we move on.
At some point along the way, I fell behind on my child support payments. I tried to be clear and honest about the situation. I asked for a bit of leeway in how I would repay her. And for whatever reason (I don't think it's healthy or helpful to say what another person is thinking) she felt it was in the best interest of the kids to file our decree with the Attorney General's office.
Love deeply. Live deeply. And when you lose someone, go on loving as deeply as you can. In the case of my brother, I will go on loving him as he becomes a spirit.
Always treat your co-parent with respect and compassion. A metaphor for co-parenting might be, "Treat them as well as you do a convenience store clerk." You want to get in and get out with as little hassle as possible.
Co-parenting is about accepting the other person for who they are, exactly as they are, and holding them in the best light you can.
I'm a single dad who wants as close a relationship as I can have with my two kids. They've got their own agendas, their own friends, and their own problems. I'm simply here to offer my companionship and support.
We need our dads to show up for us, as well as our moms. And when the dad is removed from a family, with the SPO, the balance is shifted dramatically in favor of the "mom as the emotional center" of everyone's lives.