In a loving relationship, I can grow to be a happier version of myself. I think that's what we're all hungry for. Being happier in our lives. For me, this involves a romantic relationship.
Don't have that drink. See how you feel. Notice you want a brownie. Pause. Check-in with yourself. Are you hungry? Tired? Sad? Lonely? If we consider all of the drugs…
When I get in a tough place I try and picture my kid's faces. In the moment I am feeling upset, I can send them a "How's it going, I love you" text. I can SnapChat a silly face.
That same hope and energy is present in my life, at the moment. I have an abundance of joy to share. Walking through the crowd of people on a beautiful day I could hold each of them in my hopeful prayer.
What is a young family to do? How can we learn to turn INTO the relationship rather than AWAY from it? In the nine years since my divorce, I've been writing and examining what went wrong. I've been trying to understand what kind of relationship I might be able to build that would sustain my idea of a lifetime partnership. And I've continued to examine how I could've done better as a partner.
And as we ask for and receive the love we need we are also going to have disappointments. My response in life, now, is "No worries, just desires." If my desires start getting squelched or compromised due to continual misses, then it is up to me to speak up.
Drink if you want to. Make sure you are aware of your motivations when you begin to fix the third cocktail. In my experience, that Third Glass came to represent a turning away from me and away from intimacy. I would choose to drink with her from time to time, but I could not follow her into the nightly oblivion. I wanted a close relationship.
I wish I could've had more time with my kids. I wish my then-wife had agreed to 50/50 shared parenting. I wish my ex-wife would be a more collaborative parent. But even as I wish about these things, even as I can feel regret about the lost time, I am HAPPIER NOW THAN I HAVE EVER BEEN IN MY LIFE.