During my failing marriage, I got very good at listening for the sirens of destruction (I had done something wrong) and looking for an escape or some heroic journey to fix the problem. Both in my marriage and in this relationship, that was not the right approach.
So what is it about my silences that kept her wanting more and my love songs that freaked her out? Do women want romantic love? Or was it just too soon for this woman, to be ready for the heady fall?
The power of sex is back and I don't want to give it up now any more than I did when my marriage began to falter. This time, I don't have to suffer when things go off the rails, I can just pack up and move along to another potential mate.
So what do you do with a relationship between men and women when the request for sex is constant and unrelenting? Well, of course, the man needs to figure out a way to pleasure himself, or he's going to be frustrated a lot of the time. And it's really not the woman's responsibility, even in a marriage, to pleasure us.
I was raised by strong three women. After my dad checked out via divorce, when I was about five, I was left in the house with my two sisters and my mom. I was far from being a mama's boy outwardly, but I was growing a soft heart, through the tragedy of the divorce and emasculation of my father.
My self-acceptance is not quite what I would call self-love, but I really appreciate the term self-care. And by caring for myself I am showing love for parts of myself I have always tried to hide.
But I am also a learning individual. I can adapt and make changes in my plans and trajectories. So while I was thinking I had lost orbit and was shooting away for some new destination. I may have been only slowing to the gravitational pull of this amazing lady, and learning what her fears and passions were as well.
Men get a lot of stereotypical flack for not knowing how to be vulnerable and talk about their feelings. And I'd have to say, in our culture, that being a man with feelings can be hard. I'm one of those sensitive guys, and in many situations I've had to learn to toughen up, be hard, unaffected by rage, bullshit, or attacks.