Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
Your lover, your kids, your family, even your colleagues will notice the change as you get more of your own needs met: for alone time, for rest, for exercise, for walks alone, for recharging you. Then you can bring that love, energy, and joy back to your relationship and all the relationships in your life.
If you find yourself thinking or saying, I'd be happy if you'd just... You need to get over the request and focus on yourself. If NOTHING CHANGES, would you be able to stay in this relationship? If the answer is no, you've got work todo.
Our children have probably learned more about relationships (good and bad) from television and porn. It's part of why all of us are so confused about what makes for a healthy relationship.
I am making plans to say no more often. I will listen to my heart more often, I will pause before making difficult decisions, I will pause and check in with my body frequently throughout the day.
As a couple moves towards kid introductions and connecting their families together, there's going to be a lot of alignment that needs to happen. For me, this process is all about creating and cherishing the WE of the relationship.
Alcohol as medication is a terrible idea. If your drinking is medicinal, it's time to look for safer, more effective ways to cope.
When you find a together partner, a "together no matter what" partner, a "together here at the end of the world as we know it" partner... Well, that's when you know you've found your home.
Get creative, because it's going to take a lot more time to get close enough to look directly into her eyes from a safe distance. Good luck out there, and stay safe.