Dating is like a gateway drug. You’ve got to “date” in order to find a partner. If you are not clear on what you want in a relationship, dating is going to bring you a lot of people who are not ready, not available, and not very evolved. The goal of dating is to find someone to love.
For some, online dating is the gateway to finding someone who is outside of our normal spheres of influence. The first step is introductions. Then a few dates to see if you’re still compatible. And at some point, you’re going to declare each other as boyfriend and girlfriend. At that point, you are officially dating. Everything up to that is courtship and “hello dates.”
I’ve had success with online dating. I also see much of the online activity as a waste of time. If you’re not going out on “hello dates” you’re really just playing at the idea of dating. Find me somebody to love. Let’s get to a first date and see where things go. We can’t get to relationships unless we are testing and trying things while dating.
We want to keep improving with each dating experience. It takes time. There will be hits and misses along the dating journey. If you have a strategy you can work the dating system quicker to find better matches.
If we find ourselves walking along together, and continually renewing our intentions to get together again, maybe that's enough. I'm really ready for the "ready and centered" woman to show up.
I work with men and women who are looking to reset their priorities in life to align more with their long-term goals. What's keeping you from achieving your dreams? What parts of your life need attention?
I simply let go and pay little or no attention to the things that are out of my control. What I have control over, I manage with greater joy and energy.
More love. Less unspoken and thus unfulfilled expectations. The only way to achieve satisfaction is to let your partner know what you want and then be flexible in how their answer unfolds.
Online dating is hard. And, I believe it's hard in different ways for men and women. Here's what I understand to be the state of dating in the world of apps and sites.
I am no longer willing to settle for anything less than 100% commitment, and 100% flexibility and willingness to grow and aspire together towards our joint AND individual goals.
Be together. Be kind. Consider your partner before making plans. And always give them the benefit of the doubt. We build trust by being trustful and trustworthy. Kindness is the core skill in showing your affection and care for another person.
I can still wish the best for you. I can still love you and what we had together, while letting you drift peacefully out of my life. I can allow the silence to heal the loss between us.