Co-parenting is the process of becoming a partner with the other parent of your children. It begins the minute you discuss having children. The co-parenting agreement should span a lifetime, including what happens in the case of divorce. Start at 50/50 shared parenting? Agree to 50/50 shared parenting in divorce. Become great co-parents. Equals. Allies. Focused on your children and how you can support each other in the difficult journey ahead.
Even if your ex decides not to co-parent collaboratively with you, they are co-parenting, but in a negative way. You want what’s best for your children. You want a good co-parenting relationship. You want your kids to love you both. Weaponizing co-parenting is a toxic move. Stay positive. If you can’t co-parent nicely, then co-parent without negative inputs.
It only takes ONE PARENT to hold a positive post-divorce relationship. The enlightened parent can lessen the conflict at every stage of co-parenting. When I learned that positive only was the track I was on with my ex-wife, my co-parenting success was no longer tied to her poor behavior.
For the last years of his life, my buddy will do whatever he does as an old dog. I will watch him zigzagging around the back yard and try to remain happy for him rather than sad for him. I will love on him as much as I can. And I'll be aware of how my emotional attachments and complaints are mine alone. He's a dog.
Dads are equal parents. Some dads are deadbeat dads. Some moms are deadbeat moms. Some parents are assholes. Let's not be assholes to each other.
One of my kids is thrilled to stay in touch with me. We FaceTime most days. I offer them support and advice. My other kid only reaches out, or even responds to my texts, when they want money.
"I understand I have disappointed you. And that's okay. You are disappointed. Let's talk about what we're going to do next."
What I've got is my state of happiness and peace. I no longer fight with her about anything. I no longer ask her for anything. I keep my communications primarily with my kids. As far as I'm concerned, she's no longer the superpower she was.
I'm not here to lecture DM on their bias or their angry thrust. I do hope that my comments stir some feathers at the top, and perhaps they address the absence of the good dad from their entire platform.
In today's divorce world, dads are still seen as breadwinners and second-class parents. And there are plenty of scripts that show this to be true.
Make things a little bit easier, by being kind and considerate to the other parent in your kids' lives. Love your kids enough to leave your ex in peace.