I believe we cannot heal from our divorce/relationship trauma without getting back into the ring and giving it another go. Only IN RELATIONSHIP can we learn how to be healthy in a relationship.
We've got to learn other ways to celebrate our victories and process our hurts. And by showing up in our own lives in a big way, we demonstrate for our kids how to recover from difficult situations and thrive in spite of the setbacks.
And when things don't go in our favor, even when we are not given 50/50 parenting, it is still our responsibility as men, to lead from a position of love and strength.
I believe a father and a mother should agree to parent 50/50 forever. If things happen and that agreement changes in their future together, at least they started out with their hearts and vows in the right place.
How does she tell herself, daily, that she made the right decision for all of us, and not just for herself?
The Pre-Natal Agreement is a call-to-action. Dads are equal parents. It's time for dads to take full responsibility for our participation in raising our kids. From the day they are born, both parents must agree to sharing the joy as well as the hard work that goes into raising healthy and happy children.
Somewhere deeper in that story, the one we never talked about, there was an assumption and agreement that their mom deserved and wanted more time with them. Inherent in the imbalanced divorce is the idea that the non-custodial (30%) parent wants less time with the kids.
My job, as your partner, is to let you off the hook when I can, to hold you accountable when I can't, and to make distinctions about the difference.